


Less Like Me

by loonachos



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Action, Angst, F/F, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2019-08-25 08:24:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 27,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16657582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loonachos/pseuds/loonachos
Summary: Sooyoung leads the rest of the group in trying to survive the zombie apocalypse.





	1. LESS LIKE ME

**Author's Note:**

> first fic. thanks for reading~ @loonachoz on the bird app

LESS LIKE ME

Sooyoung's POV

We were a group of 12 that dwindled down to just a handful. We fought so hard to stay alive, but after everything, I wasn’t so sure if it was worth it. Our morale hit rock bottom a long time ago. And at this point, we were just staying alive for each other, but sometimes I wasn’t sure if that was enough.

I was never a leader but being one of the oldest left, the makeshift title came with it. I wasn’t as strong as the younger ones made me out to be, but I put up a front for their sake. I couldn’t show them that I was unraveling, breaking at the seams. All of this pent up emotions were quickly eating at me and I couldn’t tell them. I thought I hid it well, but apparently, I was easy to read.

I knew that Jiwoo knew, but she knew me well enough to not pry. I wouldn’t have talked anyways.

I felt someone take a hold of my hand, but didn’t need to turn to know who it was.

“You’re spacing out again.” Jiwoo rested her chin on my shoulder from behind and intertwined our fingers.

“Sorry.” I gave her hand a squeeze and leaned back against her embrace.

I sometimes catch myself spacing out in any given situation. It has gotten more frequent and more dangerous. The last time, my mind drifted in the middle of hiding from the undead, but one knocking things over jolted me from the daze. The exhaustion and constant stress was eating at my mental state. My mind drifts and I overthink. I overthink of awful things.

Jiwoo’s now faced me as I swept her bangs to the side. “It’s getting pretty long.”

She ran her hand through her hair. “Does it look okay?”

I chuckled. “I’m pretty sure how you look is the least of your worries.”

Jiwoo pouted.

“If you really want an answer, you still look cute.” I tugged at her arm to get closer and kissed her forehead.

She leaned in, but pulled away just as fast. “Just cute? I have a knife and everything. I think I look pretty badass.” She pulled out the knife from the back of her waistband and I give her a look to put the sharp pointy object away.

“You look like a harmless duck,” I said with a straight face.

She pouted again.

Leave it to her to lighten the mood in this situation. My outer appearance might look tougher than her, but she’s been the one to keep me grounded when I started losing my mind. At times, when I felt completely useless, she reminded me of how much I’m needed with trails of tiny kisses on any part of me she could find.

Sometimes I wonder if I help her as much as she helps me. 

I heard a small cry and Jiwoo lets go of me, rushing over to Heejin who has just woken up. 

It was a normal sight. One of us waking up in tears from haunting nightmares and another trying to keep it together for the other. It chipped at my heart each time, but Jiwoo squishing her cheeks against Heejin’s in a way to comfort her reminds me of how some little things don’t ever change, and I hoped to god we can at least keep that tiny bit part of the past that made us who we are with us forever. 

“We should go soon.” Jungeun was always the first one up. She already had her gear on and was helping Jinsoul with her’s.

I got up as well and walked towards Jiwoo and Heejin. I motioned for Jiwoo to get ready as I kneeled down, wiping away the remainder of Heejin’s tears. She was now the maknae and I knew it tore her apart. It tore all of us apart. She looked so fragile and all I wanted to do was shoulder all of her pain, but I knew I couldn’t, so I pulled her into a hug, kissed her head.

“I can’t tell you that it’ll get easier. I can’t tell if we’ll make it past today, but just know that we all love you.” I paused. “We all love you so much, Heejin.”

“I know,” she whispered, no longer crying. “It’s just… when I’m awake, I can’t stop thinking about them.” She took a breath. “And when I close my eyes, I still see them too. It’s messing with my head.”

“I know.” Me too. I didn’t admit it out loud. I knew that she knew that I was falling apart just as much as she was, but she didn’t need to see it. 

I stood up and held my hand out for Heejin, who took it, muttered a thanks and headed to gather her belongings.

“We’re running really low on food.” Jinsoul was already skinny to begin with, but now as she stood next to me, her defined jawline stood out even more. She would have loved to hear that if the world wasn’t shit. “If we don’t find any today, we might have to go with one meal a day again.” This was the third day. 

“How’s the water situation going?” I knew we wouldn’t last long trying to ration our necessities like this. 

If the thirst and starvation didn’t kill us, our will to live would.

“We’re probably good for at least two more days, but we definitely need to put that as our first priority,” she paused and looked at me. “How are you doing?”

“I’m fine.” I’m always fine and they knew it. I’m fine when I felt like my stomach was eating itself inside out. I was fine when I knew there was no way I’d reach Busan to find out if any of my family had made it. I’m always just fine.

She hummed, but didn’t say any more.

“It’s hard for me to focus.” I had to give her something. She needed something more than me telling her lies. Jinsoul always felt more reassured knowing her “babies” were doing okay. We were the same age, but everyone was still her baby. 

“We should eat before we go. It’s easier to go on about our days with a little food. We’ll figure out what we’ll do about the rest of the day later.” Jinsoul tried to shrug off her bag from her shoulder, so I reached over to help. “There’s a can of spam. It’ll make us thirsty as hell, but a little protein will do us good.”

I gathered up the members, split up the food, and passed the can to my right as we sat in a circle, facing each other. We each took turns taking our piece, before the last one got to me. I tried splitting it up evenly, but when I looked up, my piece looked a little bigger than the rest. 

How was I supposed to keep it together when such a small gesture like that made me want to cry already?

“Eat slowly,” I said before holding out my piece to cheers with everyone. We didn’t know when we’ll get more food, so might as well savor this bit.

The circle we sat in was so small that all of our knees were touching. We took comfort in the distance between us and the silence that never seemed to last long enough. It makes you appreciate the little things that holds us together.

-

Jiwoo was nervous. I knew she was, but she’s way tougher than she looks, considering how she looks like a little kid playing pretend soldier.

I was at the back of the group, so I sped up to her walking speed and reached out for her hand and saw her shoulders relax a bit.

“Don’t worry. We’ll be careful.” I tried reassuring her.

“We’re always careful.” I knew she meant that we were always careful, yet here we were, just a handful of us left. And we weren’t even in our best shape. Jinsoul had hurt her arm a week or two ago and has been using a sling made out of a ripped up t-shirt that looked like it was about to fall apart any second now. At least it wasn’t her dominant arm. At least that was the only injury she sustained from being so stupid. But I didn’t blame her. I would have done the same. We were always stupid when it came to each other. 

It was still so fresh in my mind. Jinsoul’s injured arm was just a reminder of who we’ve lost and why we’re more nervous than usual. We’re always more nervous than usual when something like that happens. When we lose someone we love and can’t comprehend why we’re still doing what we’re doing. Surviving for what? Staying alive to be eaten alive? This was all bullshit and I just wanted it to stop.

“You’re doing it again.” I felt Jiwoo’s thumb rubbing the back of my hand to remind me that though we feel dead, we weren’t yet. 

She sighed. “You’re going to need talk to me some time.”

“I know. It’s just that I…” I trailed off frustrated. “It’s hard for me to put my thoughts into words.”

“You’re going to need to. You’re struggling and I can’t keep quiet about it anymore.” 

I know it’s unfair that she showed her emotions on her sleeve, while I’m so closed off. I didn’t mean to shut her out. I’m just scared that once I start, I won’t be able to stop myself from completely falling apart.

I closed my eyes and felt my eyes well up, but before tears could fall, Jiwoo tip topped up and kissed them away.

I felt vulnerable, but safe in her arms as she wrapped one around my waist. 

I sniffed back the tears and cleared by throat. “We’ll talk about this, but not right now okay?” I told her in a soft voice. “I promise.” I knew I shouldn’t make promises in times like this, but I needed her to know how grateful I was for her and how much I’m not doing okay.

“Yeah, I know. Sorry for bringing it up right now.” 

“You don’t have to be sorry. You’re right. It’s unfair that I keep to myself when you always let me in.”

“It’s not unfair. We just function differently.” 

We’re so different, yet she understood me completely. It was almost scary how much she got me. I sometimes thought that she could read my mind, but she just tells me that although my eyebrows were not as expressive as Jinsoul’s or… it was still quite telling even when I tried to keep a straight face. 

“There’s a gas station with a small store up front.” Jungeun was leading us, but slowed down her pace. It was always more dangerous as we got to places with possible supplies.

I held my gun tight. We were lucky enough to have found a few weapons off of dead bodies on some of our supply runs. Lucky enough that I wasn’t that bad of a shot. Nothing compared to Heejin, but I still managed. I mean, what isn’t she good at though? That kid is probably good at anything you give her. So much talent even when the world’s turned to shit.

“There’s probably not much left, but anything could potentially be useful, so keep an eye out,” Jungeun said as we reached the store.

I was thankful for Jungeun. Though the members usually looked at me to lead, she was always stepping up when I needed it the most. She just knew. We all just knew each other too well and I was so damn thankful. 

The members always felt sorry for the two maknaes of the unnie line. We’re always taking care of the younger ones, but we sometimes forget that Jungeun and Jiwoo needed our attention too. They never complained about anything though and that just made me feel even more guilty. They were a handful at times when together, but the bond they had made them feel like they were in their own bubble. Somehow, their eyes would always meet and they’d laugh at stupid things no one else got. 

Jiwoo and I were soulmates. Her and Jungeun too, but of a different caliber. They understood each other in a way no one else could. The ‘99liners were made for each other as much as Jiwoo and I were. Everyone saw it, and I’m just glad that they had each other. 

“You open the door. I go in first?” I stepped in front of everyone, but Jungeun. She sometimes took the leader role, but I’d never risk her going before me. 

Jungeun nodded and waited for everyone to nod back that they’re ready before pulling the door open.

From what I could see, I could already tell that there was not much left, but we were expecting this. We’d be lucky to just find another can of spam. 

We walked around the few aisles and behind the counter to make sure that there was no danger. 

“There’s another room in the back,” I said walking towards it. I looked back at my members as I reached for the doorknob and tried to turn it. “It’s locked. It’ll probably make noise trying to get it open, so let’s just look around here first and deal with this after.”

The store was small enough for me see everyone even if we split up, but I warned them anyways, “stay where I could see you guys. We should get out of here in a few minutes.” I motioned for Jiwoo. “Little one, stay with me. I can’t see you over the shelves.”

Jiwoo scoffed, but stood by my side anyways.

I smirked and patted her head.

When I said there wasn’t much left, I meant that there really was not much left. 

The shelves looked like it just had trash and rat poop all over it. Pretty sure none of the open containers were salvageable. What a shame when I saw a bag Jiwoo’s favorite chips ripped open. It’s content all over the top shelf. I moved it aside so she wouldn’t see. She has always been sensitive about her food, even long before this mess.

It was starting to look futile, but then Jiwoo spoke up, “tiny people in tiny spaces.” She lifted up her hand smiling. “Can of tuna in between the cracks of the shelves.”

“Nice.” I high fived her. “Gonna have to caveman that one,” I said as Jiwoo puts the can in one of my big pockets of the jacket I was wearing. 

There was no pull tab on the can and it was always a struggle to get those open, but at least we had something now.

Before we could look around for more supplies, I heard a sound coming from the front. Jiwoo must have heard it too, because she grabbed for my hand and we ducked down. 

I could no longer see the rest of my members and it scared me. 

I could feel Jiwoo’s heartbeat as I held her close and the sound of multiple footsteps walking around the small store. There’s no way we’d go unnoticed. I had to make the first move.

The sound of shouting a second later destroyed my plan and I got up quickly, gun pointed with Jiwoo behind me. 

I watched as a man threw Jinsoul to the ground. She screamed in pain as she landed on her bad arm. Jungeun was already by her side. Another had a gun pointed at Heejin, but she had her own pointed up as well. 

I felt Jiwoo’s hand ripped from mine as I turned around to only be hit in the face. I fell down and tried getting up, but a boot stepped on my hand that had the gun, forcing me to let go. I gritted my teeth and tried to clear my vision from involuntary tears that welled up when I got hit. 

“You better drop the gun, little girl,” a tall lanky man with broken teeth said as he bent down to pick up my weapon and pointed my own gun down at me. 

I’m assuming Heejin dropped her’s, because he gave me a light kick and said, “get up and join your friends over there.”

I got up slowly, afraid if I made any sudden movements, these men would hurt the only people I had left. 

When we were all together, I could see that Jinsoul was now up on her knees, but was cradling her arm. Jungeun was still by her side, but with a gun pointed at the back of her head. While Heejin stood there, not taking her eyes off of another that had his gun trained on her. 

I didn’t know how many raiders there were, but even if we outnumbered them, their weapons outbeat any chance of an escape plan. We also didn’t know if there were more men waiting outside or not. 

I didn’t want to panic, but it was getting harder to breathe knowing that we were royally fucked.

The man with the broken teeth began walking around. I assumed he was their leader by just the way he carried himself. He eyed each one of us before he placed the barrel of his gun under Jiwoo’s chin to tilt her head up. “Cute.” He smirked and told her to stand up. 

I bit my lip until a metallic taste surfaced. I knew she had the knife at the back of her waistband. I wanted to grab it and run it cleanly through the man’s neck, but I resisted.

He used his gun to motion her to turn around. He placed the gun to her back as he leaned down to smell her hair. He smirked again and I wanted so badly to skin him alive, but I couldn’t risk all of our lives. It’s all about timing and I had to wait.

“What is this?” He backed up a bit and his gun goes lower on her back, lifting her shirt up slightly. 

The knife.

He pulled it out with his free hand, twirled it around, and placed the blade at her neck.

“Please don’t hurt her!” It wasn’t my voice, but Jungeun’s. She had tears streaming down her face that matched Jiwoo’s silent ones. But before she could say more, the man behind her used the butt of his gun and brought it down onto her head. 

“Jungeun!” We all shouted at the same time, including Jiwoo who tried to step forward to only have the knife nick at her neck. Blood trickled down, but she didn’t seem concerned about it. 

“Get back!” The man that had Jiwoo pointed his gun at Jinsoul as she tried to get to Jungeun.

“The next person to say anything or move, I’m going to put a bullet in her head. Do you understand?” He put the knife away and pushed Jiwoo back down so that she was kneeling. The gun was now at the back of her head.

Jungeun was on the ground groaning, with her head in her hands. I could see some blood, but at least she wasn’t unconscious. There was no way we’d get out of here trying to carry her, but we’d do it if we had to.

“What should we do with them?” One of the men asked.

Another smirked. “Russian roulette? Have one kill the other?” 

“Not a bad idea.” The man with the broken teeth pushed his gun against Jiwoo’s head and leaned down next to her ear. “Who would you choose to kill if I gave you a gun?”

Jiwoo closed her eyes shut and tears wouldn’t stop falling. She was trying so hard not to tremble.

I had to make a move. I had to think of something. There’s no way we’re all going to die like this. Not like this.

“Who are you willing to kill to save the rest?” The asshole looked over at Heejin. “You look untouched.” 

The man with the gun trained on Heejin got closer until the weapon was at her forehead. “She’d look nice with a bullet between the eyes right?”

“Please…” Jiwoo started, but a foot kicked her hard from behind didn’t let her say any more. She was face down on the ground and I couldn’t breathe. 

“When I said not to say anything, I meant you too,” he growled and stepped on her back so that she couldn’t get back up. She was trying so hard not to sob, and I wanted nothing more than to hold her.

I felt like I was going to hyperventilate, but I couldn’t lose it right now. I had to keep it together to get us out of here, but how? How the fuck were we supposed to get out of here?

And as if there was a silver lining, gunfire was heard from outside. 

“What was that?” The asshole turned around, and then back. “Don’t fuckin’ mo…” his voice trailed as we heard glass break.

We were so stupid. The raiders were so fuckin’ stupid. Being this loud, thinking nothing would hear us?

A thing with its face half ripped off walked into sight. Another came stumbling in and another.

The raiders started firing.

I tried to reach for Jiwoo, but the man with the broken teeth pulled her up by the hair, and pushed her towards the exit. An undead got between us before I could close the distance. 

“Unnie!” One of the raiders that was guarding the door had already been bitten and turned. It was trying to get to Heejin.

I looked around and found a steel pipe one of the men ditched for his gun. My heart was racing as I sprinted for her. I couldn’t even feel my feet touching the ground as I ran. I was running on adrenaline as autopilot took over. I didn’t know how I made it, but I reached just in time and brought down the pipe so hard that it’s skull caved in.

It twitched on the ground and tried crawling its way towards us. I could see others in the distance. I stepped on its neck as it snapped its jaw at me. I quickly grabbed the gun from its belt and handed it to Heejin.

We needed to get to the exit, but it was blocked off. It was too chaotic and the faster ones were now coming our direction.

They were advancing fast. One leaped over a body heading towards a raider. His bullet hits its neck. It screeched, head turned, and spotted us. It changed direction and headed straight for us. 

I took a hold of Heejin’s hand and we ran towards the back of the store. We’ll go around to get to the front somehow. 

The back room that was once locked now had the door slightly open. There was no time to think. The thing behind us was getting closer, so I had no choice but to pull at Heejin and we ran inside, but before I could slam the door shut, its arm comes flying in, flailing around. A bullet goes through the door, a few inches away from my face. It’s amazing what these idiots could do with a gun. The bullet had completely missed its target.

I slammed my body against the door over and over as it kept inching in. It kept screeching as I smashed the door against its face. Part of its jaw was already on the floor, but it didn’t stop. No matter how much adrenaline was rushing through me, I wasn’t strong enough. The more this prolonged, the weaker my slams got. 

I had dropped my steel pipe on the floor, next to my feet. I tried to reach down, but the farther I got, the door would inch open a little bit more and a little more. My legs were giving out. I should have done more squats back when the world was still intact. Don’t neglect leg days.

“Heejin… shoot it!” Heejin stood there frozen. Its head was too close to mine. She was scared of missing.

I couldn’t hold the door anymore.

“Fuck it…” I reach all the way down for the pipe as the door fully swings open. I dropped on my back and rammed the pipe upward. The screeching stopped. I had rammed the pipe right under its jaw, or what was left of it, and through its head. It collapsed on the floor as I tried not to gag. 

I kicked the thing out. Brains getting all over my shoes. I slammed the door shut.

“I’m sorry!” Heejin finally moved from her spot.

“It’s okay, Heejin. I’m okay. We’re okay,” I said as I backed away from the blood and got up a bit too quickly, making me lightheaded.

My eyes wandered and landed on the man that had his gun trained on Heejin earlier. He’s been in the room the whole time. He was wounded. Sitting there pathetically. 

I didn’t have time for this.

“I’m not dead yet. I haven’t turned yet. I can still help you.” He pleaded with one hand putting pressure on his leg, while the other one was up in surrender.

I didn’t hear a thing. I silently grabbed the gun from Heejin’s hand. He ended up with a bullet between the eyes.

Heejin flinched, but doesn’t say anything.

In the end, being a good person doesn’t really matter does it? There were times where I had to do questionable things. Horrible things I didn’t regret. I tried so hard to stick by my morals, but this world breaks you, and sometimes there was no time to think. I just do. I react. I survive, but at what cost? I felt less like me every time I’m forced to do the things I have to do, but don’t want to do.

“We need to get to the others.” I lowered the gun. I told Heejin to grab the dead man’s bat, because I didn’t think I could stomach prying the steel pipe from all the blood and bone.

My legs were still weak and I could hear the pounding of my heart in my ears. 

I didn’t know what was outside of the closed door, but staying here wasn’t an option even if I managed to stand the smell of rotting flesh. I had to get to my members. I had to know if they were okay.

“Are you ready?”

“I’m never ready, but I have to be right?” Heejin gripped the bat a little tighter.

I looked at her as my hand reached for the doorknob. “1… 2… 3!” I yanked the door open and all the muffled sounds became a bit too loud.

We’re met by another screecher as it stumbled over its own two feet for a bit. I’m hoping it’s not a runner. I’m hoping I don’t trip over my own two feet.

It came at us and I fired. 

One shot. 

One kill. 

Another snapped its head around and came for us. 

“Run!” I pushed Heejin ahead of me as we both bolted. 

It was mostly clear now as Heejin reached the front door and shoved it open. 

I heard her scream as she bumped into someone, but quickly calmed when she saw that it was just Jinsoul. Bless the blonde hair, because I might have shot her if I thought Heejin was in danger. Bless that she looked as okay as she could be, but where the hell was Jungeun?

The split second I had to stop to push the door back open was all the screecher behind me needed to feel its fingers on the back of my shirt. I fell butt first on the ground, legs partially out the store as it took hold and yanked me back. I tried to get up as Heejin came back into the store to smash the bat down over and over again until there was nothing more than thick blood painting the off white tiled floor.

-

Jiwoo was being dragged farther and farther away from her members. She was out the door before she knew it. Gunshots and screams could be heard all around. She tried ducking to avoid anything coming at her, but the man holding her pulled her up so that she was just a human shield. 

“Stop trying to squirm away, you stupid bitch,” he growled out and pushed her forward.

Her jaw hurt from landing on it when the man had kicked her down and her neck was bleeding more than she thought. She wanted to press against the wound, but her hands were filthy.

The man kept pulling her till they found a car to duck behind. Every few seconds, he’d look through the windows to assess the situation. 

“We’re gonna run for it, but you go first. You understand?”

This couldn’t be how she dies. This can’t be how her team falls apart. She needed to get back to her members.

Jiwoo nodded.

“Go.” He motioned with his gun before getting up as well, but before he could fully stand up, he fell back down screaming. 

Something grabbed at his leg from under the car and all Jiwoo could think was that was always the first place you check for danger when hiding behind cars, you stupid fuck.

His screams attracted more attention. Jiwoo didn’t have time to fight him for the gun he still had gripped tightly in his hands, wasting bullets on a target he couldn’t hit.

“Don’t leave me! Get back here!” Funny how he was so dangerous just a second ago, and now he’s just screaming useless threats. “I’ll kill you!” 

Jiwoo ran without even looking back. She had to get to her members. She had to make sure they were okay.

-

It all happened so fast. They just came pouring in and there wasn’t much time to think. Jinsoul grabbed Jungeun by the arm, but before they could move, the shelf behind them came down. Jinsoul was trapped.

“Unnie!” Jungeun yelled and tried to lift the shelf up, but it wouldn’t budge.

“Jungeun, they’re coming.” Jinsoul tried to stay calm. “Jungeun!”

Jungeun felt someone ramming her from behind and turned around to see a screecher right next to her face. She screamed, pushed back as it advanced towards her again. 

“Run! Jungeun, run!” She could hear Jinsoul yelling at her, but she didn’t want to listen. “I can get out. I swear I can get out, but you need to run!

Jungeun looked back at Jinsoul, wondering if it’ll be the last time she sees her.

She ran.

The screecher followed closely behind. 

She reached the door, pushed it open, and closed it back as the screecher slammed its body at the door. She didn’t have time to stay there. She didn’t have time to cry and think about if she made the right choice.

She ran, the door behind her flew open, and the screecher followed. She hoped it was the only one left in the store. She couldn’t bear the thought that she just left the love of her life behind. 

Luck was not by her side as she tripped over nothing and landed with a thud. The screecher doesn’t stop fast enough and goes flying over Jungeun, landing on its neck. It laid there for a second before raising its crooked head up to look back at Jungeun. 

She got up quickly and contemplated running back into the store for Jinsoul, but gunfire behind her made her have to run towards a few abandoned cars. The screecher didn’t follow this time. It was probably going towards the sound of the guns or already killed.

She hid behind a car, quickly checked under it for danger and rested her back against it for a second to breathe. Her head was pounding from the hit she took earlier. She hoped she didn’t have a concussion.

She could hear men screaming and it brought pressure to her ears knowing that they were suffering. The few others left outside the store were running or fighting for their lives, none of them paying attention to her. 

Bodies littered the ground and she kept praying that she wouldn’t recognize any of them. 

Where were her members? Where the hell did the man with the broken teeth take Jiwoo? She couldn’t spot her anywhere. There’s no way they could have gotten far.

She had to get back to the store. 

She checked to see if it was clear before making a run for the front door. She was scared of what she’d find once she got to there. She prayed that Jinsoul got out from under that shelf. She had to be okay or she would never forgive herself.

Jungeun was so close when she heard someone shout her name and a body colliding with hers. She was stunned for a second before scrambling to her knees, afraid an undead had latched onto her, but she couldn’t mistake those bangs anywhere.

“No...” she trailed off.

There were bullets whizzing by her, but she didn’t care. She couldn’t hear a thing. She reached out for Jiwoo and pulled her onto her lap and pressed against the gunshot wound. She knew it was useless. Out here, with no hospitals, it was useless even if she survived today, she wouldn’t survive the next. 

Her best friend was going to die and she couldn’t do anything about it.

“Jiwoo... oh god, please...” She prayed to a god that wasn’t listening, but it was all she could do. 

She choked on sobs and felt lightheaded from the lack of air that was being pulled into her lungs. She needed to keep it together. 

Keep it together. 

“Why…” She tried to say more, but the words were caught in the back of her throat. 

She remembered the first time she saw Jiwoo. It was a bit before entering high school. The kid was so loud and bright, the opposite of how she was. She had so many people around her with the bubbly aura she emitted. Jungeun couldn’t relate with the few friends she had. So she was surprised when Jiwoo introduced herself to her. Soon, it just became normal for them to be attached at the hip. 

Out of all of her many friends, Jiwoo chose to be her best friend.

Jungeun couldn’t imagine her life without her partner in crime. She didn’t want to imagine a world without Jiwoo. 

She pressed her lips against Jiwoo’s forehead and kissed it, whispering I love yous over and over. 

It wasn’t like the movies. There were no last words. Just a struggle for breath and blood spilling out between her fingers as she desperately pressed against the wound. 

It was useless. 

Jiwoo was dead.

Jungeun heard a click and looked up. A man towered over her with a gun pointed at her head, but at this point, she didn’t care anymore.

The man smirked and opened his mouth, but before he could say a word, a bullet hits him square in the chest. He fell down with a thud and Jungeun flinched. She watched the man begin to choke on his own blood and hoped he’d drown in it.

-

I dropped my gun and fell down to my knees.

I couldn’t feel anything.

Jungeun looked at me and I felt my world come crashing down. She lifted Jiwoo’s head off of her lap and carefully placed her on mine.

I sat there. Numb.

I reached for Jungeun and held her with one arm as sobs wracked her body. I felt arms wrap me from behind as more blonde hair rested on my shoulder. Jinsoul had her head buried in my neck from behind. I didn’t want to look at Heejin who has already been unraveling since we lost another member not too long ago.

It never crossed my mind that Jiwoo would go before me. I’ve always thought that I’d be the first to go. Maybe it was selfish of me, wanting to die first so I wouldn’t have to bear the pain of losing her. But here I was. The pain was so unbearable that I couldn’t tell if I was still holding my breath or not. The only thing I could feel were the silent tears rolling down my cheekbones and the empty feeling that gnawed away at my being.

By now, all the raiders were either dead or ran away. The undead that were left were thankfully coming at us slowly. 

We didn’t have time to mourn.

“We need to go.” I shrugged them off me and let go of Jungeun who was still a mess. 

I handed my gun to Heejin. “You’re the best shot. You can’t hesitate this time okay?”

She nodded, still looking hesitate, but took the gun anyways.

“Help me get her up.” I took Jiwoo’s head off of my lap as I cradled it in my arms. Jungeun lifted up so that I could carry her.

“This one’s getting too close.” Heejin had the gun pointed at one that was limping awfully fast at us. “Do I shoot it?”

“No, the noise will just attract more,” I said, finally having Jiwoo in my arms. She was so small, even with all of this exhaustion, she felt light.

Heejin puts the gun away and grabbed her bat instead. Without a word, she walked towards the limping undead and swung the bat so hard that part of its skull goes flying.

The girl with the bat was almost nothing like who she used to be. 

Tears blurred my vision as I tried my best to walk fast. Behind me, my members hugged each other before quickening their paces.

We walked past abandoned cars when I stopped in my tracks. 

The man with the broken teeth.

He sat there with a torn up leg, gun pointed at me. He smirked when he saw Jiwoo, but that was he could do before Heejin comes in swinging. He screamed and dropped the gun, not even having the time to shoot.

“Leave him. We don’t have time. He’ll die here anyways,” I said, teeth gritted. I wanted to kill him, but I rather get Jiwoo and my members out of here.

“Sooyoung unnie,” Jungeun started. “For once, I can’t listen to you.”

Jungeun took Heejin’s gun from behind her waistband and walked towards him. She points the gun at his head, leaned down, and searched him before her hand lands on what she was looking for.

Jiwoo’s knife. 

The man with the broken teeth was going to speak, but before he could, Jungeun ran the blade across his neck and looked into his eyes as he stared back at her in disbelief.

She got up, picked up his weapon, and walked back to us. “The gun would have been too loud.”

-

The sun was hanging low when we buried her. Funny how she’s still as bright as the sun even after she’s gone.

We were at least lucky enough to give her the most proper burial we could. Other members weren’t so lucky. We had to leave a few behind and it was probably the hardest thing we had to do. 

We took shelter in a small house not too far from where we were. There was no way we’d make it anywhere farther. 

Jungeun sat next to me, on the floor, backs against the wall. Both of our clothes were still covered in blood. Our hands were still covered in her blood. 

I couldn’t shake the imagine out of my head. 

How was I supposed to go on after this? She was my anchor, and now I’m just a shell of who I used to be.

“She saved me.” 

I turned to Jungeun who wasn’t looking at me. “What?” I haven’t asked what happened. Too scared that it’d all be too real if I knew.

“I… I was alone, and I was trying to find any one of you, but I couldn’t find any of you.” Tears start to slide down her face again. “Some idiot with a gun decided he wanted to shoot at me instead of using his bullets on a fuckin zombie. Jiwoo must have ran full speed at me.” 

We never called them zombies. It gave them such a childish sound when they were the catalyst of everything that had been destroying us.

She finally turned to me. “I’m sorry, unnie.” 

I sighed and looked at her. “What are you apologizing for? You know how Jiwoo was, she always does stuff without hesitation. She didn’t even hesitate to save you. That’s how much she loved you, you idiot. So stop apologizing. It wasn’t your fault.”

Jungeun let out a sigh of her own, now resting the back of her head against the wall again. Even in the dark, I could see the tears falling down ever so slowly. “We’ve been together since we were stupid teens, crying over boys we didn’t even care about.” She paused for a second before continuing, “eventually, she stopped caring about what everyone thought, and started crying over a girl she actually cared about.” She looked at me again. This time, tears were free falling and a sob threatened to come out. “She loved you so much, unnie.”

“I know.” My own tears blurred my vision. “I never thought I’d ever find someone that gets me like her, you know? I was always such a loner. It’s so cliche, but you just go with your life having crushes on a bunch of maybes, but… God, when I first saw Jiwoo, before all of us got together, I just had to approach her. I thought she was the shyest kid ever. She turned out to be the loudest. Kid couldn’t stop blushing and stuttering every time I said or did anything.”

Jungeun let out a tearful chuckle. “She wouldn’t stop talking about the hot unnie that asked for her number for so long.”

“She was an annoying brat.”

“She was.” 

We sat there in silence and let it sink in that every time we referred to Jiwoo, it would have to be in past tense.

-

It wasn’t until I laid my head down, hearing nothing but the sounds of my remaining members breathing as they slept that I couldn’t handle being alone with my own thoughts. It was too quiet. Jiwoo was never quiet, and I’d never be able to hear her again.

I had so much I wanted to tell her. I was ready to put my thoughts into words, because seeing her hurt over me struggling, hurt me too. I trusted her so much and I wanted her to know that. I hope she knew that. Why didn’t I just let her in sooner? Why was I always so stupid? So stupid thinking I could actually protect her.

I didn’t even get to say goodbye. 

I was a second too late and it made me think of all of the what ifs. What if I just tried to run towards the front exit? What if I didn’t take that second to shoot that surrendering man and just left him to die? Would I have at least had a chance to just say goodbye? That’s all I wanted and I couldn’t even have that.

I closed my eyes tight, but couldn’t get rid of her face, and I wondered if I would ever be able to sleep again.

I didn’t understand. We were careful. We were always careful, yet something like fuckin’ humans had to take her away from me. It’s unfair. I wanted to scream, but silence was all I knew.

I got up quietly and sat down at one of the corners of the room.

It was so quiet. So quiet that my thoughts were too loud. I couldn’t shut them up. 

I was going to tell her everything. I had so much pent up emotions I wanted her to know about. I knew she knew that I wasn’t doing okay, and I wanted to tell her that. That’s all she ever wanted from me. For me to trust her with my feelings and just let go. 

She was my anchor.

My love.

Now, I was nothing.

I had the gun in my hand. I looked at my remaining sleeping members and then back down at the gun again.

I didn’t want to live anymore, but I also didn’t want the only people I had left to be in any more pain. My mind drifted and I overthink. I overthink of awful things. I love them. I love them so much, so I tried shaking the thought, but I couldn’t stop myself from thinking that maybe if we were all dead, everything could finally go away.

“Sooyoung.” I heard my name and looked up. 

I finally realized that I was sobbing. 

There was so much pain in her eyes. 

And before I could register what I was doing, the gun in my shaking hand was pointed directly at her. 

I couldn’t stop thinking awful things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lipsoul sure maintain their blonde hair really well despite it being the zombie apocalypse.  
> kudos are appreciated~ thank you for reading!  
> 


	2. THE LITTLE THINGS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hmm.. I don't know where I'm actually going with this and just writing whatever comes out of my two brain cells first, so the timeline is going to jump back and forth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so uh.. I thought this was going to be a one shot, but my brain smacked me and said no, no, nooo~ I don't know how I feel about chap 2 though.. if it's eh, you could just pretend it stayed a one shot.

THE LITTLE THINGS

Haseul’s POV

“Unnie.” I heard someone calling for me.

For a moment, I forgot where I was and who I was with. All I felt was how heavy my body was from the exhaustion.

A hand on my shoulder jolted me from my sleep and I bolted up.

Yerim.

That’s right. She was on watch. With just the two of us, one of us always had to be awake. We never knew the time, so we just woke the other up when we couldn’t keep our eyes open any longer.

“How long was I asleep for?” I rubbed my eyes with my free hand, trying to adjust to the dark. My other one already found its way in Yerim’s.

I looked at her and could see how tired she looked and how skinny she’s gotten. The smile that usually plastered her face hasn’t been there for awhile.

“Not long, but we need to find shelter somewhere else.” She was looking out from the car with the half intact roof we were currently resting in. “It’s starting to rain.” 

My senses finally caught to my brain and I suddenly took notice of water on my skin. If we knew it was going to rain, we would have taken more time to find better shelter, but the day before didn’t indicate any sign of rain. 

I almost wanted to laugh. Was this ‘Haseul’s curse’? 

The droplets were getting bigger. “All of the sudden?” I put my hand out to catch the water.

“The weather does get pretty random at times.” 

Yerim wasted no time in opening the car door and got out. I passed the only weapon we had to her before getting out of the same door since the other one was jammed. 

She took the shovel and slung it over her right shoulder and we walked as fast as we could to wherever we went took us.

My legs felt like they were moving on its own without my command. Everything has been feeling so surreal that I was still hoping to wake from this nightmare. It’s like we just woke in a completely different world one day. Everything we’ve worked for, everyone we knew, nothing even mattered now. 

I was the leader of a group that doesn’t even exist anymore. How could something we worked so hard for just be ripped from our grasp in no time? 

Wherever they were, I hoped they’ve found shelter or in some place better than here. 

It was starting to pour and we had no form of protection. By now, I could only see so much ahead of me. We were soaked from head to toe with no clue where we were headed.

“Unnie,” Yerim whispered through the rain and tugged at my arm.

I turned to look at her pointing at a slow undead walking near us, but hasn’t seen us. The rain must have been masking our sounds as well as theirs. We walked away from it only to see others. We froze for a second before I pushed Yerim ahead to walk faster. They too, probably could not make us out in the downpour. We had to use it to our advantage and not panic as they walked around us.

Not panic. We were in the middle of nowhere, soaking wet, starving and cold, trying not to get eaten alive. I tried to clear my mind of how scared I was right now, but the fear heightened as I felt something grab at my arm making me slip and fall as I watched Yerim’s back disappear in the heavy rain.

It fell with me. 

I yelped, heart pounding louder than any sound around me. I tried getting up, but I kept slipping, stumbling. It’s slipping and stumbling too. My limbs were not cooperating as one leg would slip right out under the other. It’s crawling faster than I could get up. I felt it grazing at my ankles as I kicked back. 

I didn’t want to yell for Yerim. I didn’t want to attract more attention. 

I heard fast footsteps pounding on water coming my way. I looked up to see a half naked screecher running towards me, wailing.

The loud beating of my heart made me dizzy as I desperately tried getting up.

It was getting closer as the one by my ankle took a hold of my shin.

I didn’t want to leave Yerim on her own. No matter how cruel this world has turned, I wanted to be there for her. I was more scared of her suffering alone than me actually dying.

I closed my eyes only to be yanked up as I stumbled to my feet. I opened them again to see the running screecher standing there, part of its face was smashed in. The other one that was crawling towards me was now unmoving.

Don’t mess with Yerim and her shovel.

We didn’t get to catch our breath as the half faced screecher came at us again, a little slower now, but still at least an 8 minute mile pace.

I pushed Yerim. “Run!”

More heads turned our way with all the noise, but I didn’t take another look to see if they were runners too. I just prayed that the one on our tails was the only thing we had to deal with.

We ran and ran to nowhere in particular. Legs and lungs burned. The pellets of rain felt like little needles on skin. My eyes could barely keep open, but kept them tunnel visioned on what I could see of Yerim. We ran for what seemed like forever, but was probably only a minute before a gas station appeared through the rain. 

Please let it be able to house us.

“Side door!” Please let it be unlocked. If it’s not, we’d have to go towards the back or the front. Just let the door be unlocked, because I didn’t have another plan other than running some more and I don’t think I could last much longer. And now I was just panicking on whether Yerim was going to push or pull the door correctly.

She pushed the door.

It goes flying open and Yerim barely has time to catch herself from running into the restroom stall. I stopped myself faster than her and slammed the door shut with my back against it. A few seconds later, a body rammed into it. 

The screecher was still there.

“Yerim, help!” I yelled for her, but from the tiny bit of light that was shining in, I could see her just standing there, not looking in my direction.

“Unnie,” she whispered, eyes still fixated farther inside the restroom.

I quieted down. The only thing I could hear was the screecher outside trying to claw its way in and slow shuffling of feet. Slow shuffling of feet from farther inside the restroom.

I could hear it coming towards us, but I couldn’t help her. I couldn’t take my back off the door or the other thing would come flying in.

“Yerim.” There was nothing else for me to say. There was nothing I could do.

“Unnie,” she whispered again, voice trembled. She gripped the shovel tighter.

She could kill one of these things no problem, but all those situations we’ve been in so far were more fast paced. It was instinctive. Here. Here, we were just standing there, in the dark, waiting on who would make the first move.

It got closer and I could see Yerim prepping herself up. 

It finally came close enough and she took a swing at it. Its head snapped back, barely affected as its arms came grabbing at her.

Yerim was too stunned to move as she yelped and I yelled for her. 

They both tumbled to the ground and I could barely see who was where or what was happening.

As they got closer to the little light coming in, a hand grabbed at my right ankle. I screamed and kicked, sliding from the door that was slightly starting to open for the screecher to poke its fingers through.

I used my free leg to kick its head as it tried to take the both of us out at the same time. It finally let go after a few more kicks, but it now was using both hands to try to get at Yerim again. She had her back on the ground with the undead half on top. The shaft of the shovel was shoved in its mouth as it tried to bite at her. It was inching towards her face.

“Get up! Yerim, get up!” I shouted, watching helplessly and contemplated on just letting go of the door and dealing the consequences after I got Yerim out of her current situation. 

They wrestled for a bit before Yerim let out a yell and one final push of strength, she shoved the undead off of her. It fell slightly to the side and didn’t waste time grabbing again. She used her elbows to maneuver back against the wall and repositioned her shovel as it came at her. Her swing this time was weaker, being on the ground in a cramped up space. 

The thing let out a small screech, its teeth were falling onto the ground with little clinks.

I didn’t know how long this thing has been in here, but it was much slower than the sprinters. It was weaker, decomposing, but still strong compared to our exhausted state.

Yerim positioned the shovel’s sharp end pointed out this time and she thrusted it forward as the thing came at her once again. The shovel drove into its target at the neck and its head hung halfway off of its shoulders. Blood dripped down the handle and Yerim let go of the weapon, quickly shuffled over to me, back against the door, keeping the other thing out.

“Yerim, are you okay? Are you hurt?” I asked and tried to check her over using the little light we had. She sat there, breathing labored. I wasn’t sure how long I’ve been holding my breath, but when I let go, my head spun.

“I’m okay.” She placed an arm around my waist and I hugged her back. “That was too close. That was too damn close.”

“You did good. We’re okay.” I held her closer as she rested her head on my shoulder. “We’re okay.” Thank god she was okay. 

The screecher was still outside trying to get in, but its attempt was much less impactful than it was before. I was thankful because my legs were aching, trying to use them to keep me from sliding from the door as it tried to find its way in.

“Unnie,” she started.

I hummed in response.

“I love you.”

“I know Yerim. I love you too.” I kissed her on the head as we sat there in the dark, in our wet clothes. 

It became our thing. We said ‘I love you’ after every incident and every other chance we got. It kept us a little sane when we were cold, hungry, and miserable. And at these moments, I couldn’t help but think of my members. There isn’t a day that goes by that I didn’t think about them. 

I kept hoping that they’re all okay, but that’d be wishful thinking. Where we are now and what’s happening, I didn’t want to think about any of them hurting or if they’re even… I tried not to think about the bad. I had to have hope. It was the only thing keeping me here. Hope and Yerim.

Yerim.

I haven’t seen her smile since this all began. I missed her annoying orange smiling face.

“I miss your annoying orange smiling face,” I voiced my thought out loud to her.

She didn’t smile. Instead, she took my hand and gave it a light squeeze. 

I knew I shouldn’t have said that. It’s better not to talk about how things were and the people we used to be. It’d only make things worse, but I just had to. We never knew when it’d be the last time we get to talk about any of this. 

“I miss a lot of things,” Yerim said, head still on my shoulder. “I miss…” she paused for a moment, “I miss going to school with Hyejoo and her bothering me all the time. And I miss Jungeun unnie always struggling to wake me up in the morning.”

I felt hot tears wet my shoulders, but didn’t mention it.

“Jiwoo always struggling to reach the plates.” I smiled picturing her trying to climb the counters. “I don’t get it. She’s taller than Jungeun, but why is her reach so short?”

“I think she just liked the unnies taking care of her.” I could finally see Yerim cracking a small smile through the dark. I couldn’t help but smile a little wider.

“Take off your shirt and wring it out. You’re going to get sick,” I told her. One of us had to keep the door closed, so I let her finish before doing the same. 

She laid her head back on my shoulder once she was done and closed her eyes. 

As sad as it was, we tried to talk about our members as much as we could. I wanted to remember them as much as possible, not wanting to forget any small details, but each day that passed, I felt like I was forgetting a little bit more and it scared me more than anything else.

I wasn’t naive. Wherever they were, I knew they were all struggling, but sometimes ignoring the truth was the best way to get through the world ending.

I sighed and stoked Yerim’s hair as she rested her eyes. I didn’t know how long it’s been, but it probably wouldn’t be long before the sun came up. It was already getting a little brighter in the dirty restroom we were currently residing in.

The rotting body in here with us was not making the situation any better. I tried not to gag at the smell or move from my legs going numb as Yerim rested on me.

She was shivering.

We had to get out of our wet clothes as soon as possible. We couldn’t afford to be sick, but in this condition and with no food in our stomachs for the past few days, it was inevitable.

Yerim wouldn’t stop shaking and it started to worry me. 

I didn’t even take notice that the slow clawing outside had finally stopped. I hoped the screecher found something else to chase after, because there was no way we’d be able to fight our way out with a shovel so slick with blood that it was practically useless now. 

We couldn’t wait for the sun. We had to get out. 

“Hey, Yerim.” I tried nudging her to wake, but she didn’t budge. “Yerim, we gotta go.” I tried again.

I tried not to panic.

“Yerim,” I said a little louder and tapped her face this time.

She groaned and I sighed in relief.

Her eyes fluttered opened and her teeth chattered.

“We can’t stay here.”

She nodded, understanding the dire need to get out of these wet clothes. 

“Can you get up?” I asked, already halfway to my feet, shaking my legs to get the circulation going again.

I held my hand out for her. She took it and tried to stand, but fell back down to her knees. 

This wasn’t good.

I went to her side and placed her arm around my shoulders to help her get up. 

“I’m just a bit dizzy,” she said, eyes shut tightly to compose herself before trying to stand again.

I nodded, but didn’t voice my worry about how she could be in the early stages of hypothermia. 

I placed my hand on the door handle and looked at Yerim. She was pale and her lips were starting to lose its color. 

“The shovel.” She looked back at the decomposing body with the weapon buried in its neck. 

“Leave it. It’d be a hassle if we can’t clean it anyways.” That was the one thing we’ve had with us for awhile. The wood had started to spinster from the ever changing environment and the metal parts were rusted.

My hand on the door handle tightened. “Can you walk on your own?”

She nodded and took her arm off from my shoulders, but I still had one around her waist just in case.

I looked at her again before opening the door. The wind that came whistling in made the both of us shiver and I held her closer.

We took a hesitate step outside. By now, the rain had stopped and the sun was peeking out from behind the trees.

What we saw outside of the restroom was not what we were expecting.

Something must have gone wrong. 

There were dead men and the undead littering around the store and gas station. The heavy rain from last night soaked into the bodies making them look bloated. The smell in the air was rancid. The restroom wasn’t even comparable although it was in an enclosed place. You’d think being out in the open would dissipate the smell, but that mixed with all the rain and soon to be heat from the sun. I wasn’t sure if I could hold in the vomit. 

Right at that thought, Yerim lurched forward, emptying out her stomach. There was nothing but liquid from the lack of food we had in our bodies. 

I rubbed her back as she dry heaved and I tried my best not to join her.

If I thought the lack of food was destroying us, the lack of water was worse. Dehydration was a risk with throwing up and we already didn’t have that much liquid to begin with.

The rain last night was just a tease. There was so much of it, but now everything was contaminated. Puddles everywhere on the ground, but none drinkable.

My worry for Yerim increased. She was already weak from the combination of everything and I wasn’t sure if we had the energy to go far and find necessities.

“We could use a supply run, but I don’t want to risk going into the store,” I said, glancing at what looked like a massacre in there.

The store. 

Another tease.

Yerim was breathing hard, hands on her knees. I placed my hand on her waist again as she tried to stand up straight.

“You okay?” I asked, knowing it was a dumb question.

She nodded once and pointed her head in the only direction that looked decent enough to walk through.

We started walking silently, glancing down at the bodies to make sure they weren’t going to attack any time soon.

There were a few groans and I could see some bloated bodies uselessly trying to crawl to us, but with how heavy their water filled limbs were, they just mostly stayed in one spot. 

“Gun.” Yerim’s voice was hoarse as she pointed ahead.

A dead man had the weapon clenched in his hand. 

You’d think we’d come across more guns like in zombie tv shows, but they’re harder to come by than you’d think. I mean, we just had a shovel for the longest time. I somehow started to get attached to it and felt a little more vulnerable without it.

I let go of Yerim for a bit and bent down. I covered my mouth and nose with my hand, but still managed to gag. I looked away again to take a breath before turning back to the man. His fingers were twice its size from the bloating and looked stuck on the trigger.

Great.

I reached out with a shaking hand and held onto the barrel of the gun. I tugged at it, not wanting to pry his fingers from it. It finally came loose after a few tugs and I almost didn’t want to touch the handle from how gross the man’s bloated pale hand on it looked.

I rinsed it out in the muddy puddle next to us and stood back up. 

Should I even be washing a gun? It’s not an electronic or anything so it should be fine right?

“I… don’t know how to use a gun,” I said pathetically, still holding it by the barrel awkwardly.

I looked at Yerim who had her arms wrapped around herself. She wasn’t paying attention me, just staring at the ground, focusing on breathing.

I frowned worried, held the gun in my right hand, and took Yerim in the other as we continued towards some abandoned cars.

A few cars were locked as I tried to open all the doors. Some others were unlocked, but there was nothing we could use.

We passed by a few more when I spotted something that looked like clothing under a bunch of magazines and other junk in the backseat of a van.

I tried opening the back door, but it was locked.

Just my damn luck.

I stood there for a second not wanting to think about the other doors not opening and having to figure out a way to break the window. The gun would be too loud, there’s no large rocks around,  
and… My thoughts stopped as I heard a door open.

“Unlocked,” Yerim simply said with the driver door opened.

‘Haseul’s curse’.

Everything must be ‘Haseul’s curse’. There’s just no way that it wasn’t. Yerim touched one door and it opened.

I smiled at her as she stepped back.

I went to the driver’s side to unlock the back door before closing it again. I hopped in and went to the back, throwing the magazines and junk to the side.

“Come here.” I motioned for Yerim and helped her in the van, closing the door to hold us here temporarily for a bit to warm up.

She sat down in the seat behind the driver’s. I took the clothing from the back and sat in the seat next to her’s.

“Hey, don’t sleep on me now. I got to get you out of the wet clothes.” The truth was that I did want her to rest, but I was also scared that if I tried waking her this time, she wouldn’t wake.

I didn’t know a thing about hypothermia, but from how weak she was and the shivering, I didn’t want to risk it.

I tugged at her shirt and she lifted her arms for me to pull it up and off. I then proceeded to her shoes and pants.

“Get up a bit. Your pants are stuck.” I tried pulling at it, but it was caught under her legs.

When I finally got that off, I pulled the oversized grey hoodie I found in the back over her head. 

“Really lucked out that this is twice your size rather than it being kids size or something,” I mumbled while trying to get the remaining water out of her hair.

“You’d be able to fit it then, unnie,” Yerim replied with a small smile.

I gasped in disbelief. “You… You’re mean.” I smiled back at her. I was never good with comebacks and left the sassy remarks to the other members.

She was joking. This was good.

“Shoes.” I reached in the back for a bit before pulling out sneakers that also looked a bit big too. “They’re better than nothing.”

I rubbed her feet with my hands for awhile to get warmth back into them before putting the shoes on her feet, tying them tightly.

“Your clothes.” Yerim pointed out. 

There was nothing but the hoodie and shoes. I was still sitting there in my wet clothes. It started to feel nasty, so I took off my shirt to try to wring out as much excess water as I could. There wasn’t much, but it’s probably better than it was before. I threw it back on and held my hand out for Yerim to hold. I wanted so bad to just hug her, but didn’t want my wet clothes making her colder.

The car was heating up with the sun coming out as we sat there holding hands, just looking at each other. As if we were afraid, the other would fade if we looked away.

Out of all the members, I’ve been with her and Yeojin the longest. When we didn’t have our families to rely on, we relied on each other. It was mostly sat in silence when times were hard, just finding the presence of one another comforting. We understood each other without having to say much, but sometimes, I wish they’d say more. 

Yerim wasn’t the type to complain or voice her troubles, and that always made us worry more. When she smiled brightly despite the bags under her eyes from never getting enough sleep or when she’d say she’s fine when she’s missing home. She would tell us that we were her home now, and now, our home was gone.

I looked out the window to see the bloated bodies still trying to crawl to us. The closing of the van’s doors must have still kept their attention on us.

“We shouldn’t stay here long,” I said picking up the gun I placed on the compartment between the front seats.

Yerim pointed at the gun. “Check the magazine.”

“Check the magazine?” I repeated confused. I tossed the magazines to the floor getting the hoodie.

“The clip. Check it to see how much ammo we got,” she clarified as if she had handled guns her whole life.

“Oh, the clip.” I nodded finally understanding.

“Well, technically it’s called a magazine. Calling it a clip is for plebs, Hyejoo would say.”

I raised my eyebrows questioningly.

“She forced me to be her gaming buddy when Chaewon unnie was too busy playing animal crossing,” she said nonchalantly.

“Ah.” The two soulmates. It’s weird when you got to know those two. They were the opposite of how they looked. 

I remember the first time Hyejoo held my hand, she did it wordlessly and I tried not to be awkward about it. I thought it was just from nerves, but then she grabbed at them every chance she got. Over time, everyone kinda just got used to their hands belonging to Hyejoo.

Chaewon on the other hand, that kid was a demon at times. A very cute demon that roasted everyone at any given time. She was probably the only one that could rival Hyunjin in that department, and I was just glad that they were never roommates. 

I inspected the gun. It was like trying to figure out something I had no idea where to begin. It couldn’t be that hard right? Just pull the trigger to fire.

Yerim had her hand out knowing I was clueless and I handed her the weapon. “Go for it.” 

She held it in her right and clicked something to make the magazine drop out onto her other hand.

I never thought Yerim could look this badass.

“You look badass,” I voiced my thought again.

“Never thought I’d hear that.” She smiled, her lips finally getting its color back. She also wasn’t shivering as much. “Nine rounds. Not bad.” She put the magazine back, grabbed the barrel end and handed it back to me.

“I feel like you’d do better with the gun than me.” I held the gun awkwardly with how heavy the weight was.

“I think I’m a bit too uncoordinated right now to handle a firearm.”

“It’s so weird to hear you speak like that.”

“Don’t worry. It was weird when Hyejoo used to yell at me for forgetting to switch to my sidearm, as if I knew what that was.”

I had no idea what she was talking about. “It’s nice.” I leaned back into the seat. “Feels like Hyejoo is here.”

Sometimes I felt like I should say less, but I didn’t want to pretend like they didn’t exist. It hurt talking about them, but it’d hurt more if we began forgetting about the little things about each other.

“Can you imagine her with an AK-47? She’d have a field day with it.”

“An AK what now?” 

“Nevermind, unnie. Maybe I should just handle the gun.” She stuck her hand out again and I gladly handed it to her. 

“Are you sure you’re up for it?”

“No, but seeing you fumble with it scares me.” I didn’t blame her. I was only good at shooting things with a camera. 

I slid the van door open and hopped out. Yerim followed. Her legs almost gave out as her feet touched the ground, but I took a hold of her arm.

We won’t last much longer with how weak we were getting. We were just skin and bones, trying to hold on to the last piece of hope that one day, this would all be over.

“Just a little woozy still.” She used me to steady herself before walking towards our original direction.

We never knew where we were heading. Walking aimlessly without much of a plan besides trying finding food and shelter became a daily routine. Was there more to this life now than just that? 

Sometimes I wondered what was the point, but this couldn’t be the end right? Someone out there, the military and government, they’d take care of this. But what happens when this is all over? Normal would never be a thing anymore. I was afraid of that more than the current situation we were in now. 

Yerim and I have already changed so much. She never smiled anymore, but it’s not like I could blame her. I just hate that she always says she’s fine. Jinsoul used to get so frustrated when Yerim would smile when she’s tired and smile when she’s sad. That kid was too good for the world, and it pained me having to watch her turn to someone I almost didn’t recognize. 

The same thoughts kept running through my head. It was all I could do. 

I placed my arm in front of Yerim to get her to stop walking.

There were people ahead. You’d think we’d all work together when we were all fighting a common enemy, but I guess people were just as bad now as they were back then. The living were just as dangerous as the undead.

“Let’s go the other way.” I pointed to a less ideal route towards a plaza with different restaurants and stores.

Going to an area with a lot of stores always warranted the potential of having more danger. People raided and died, turning into walking corpses wandering condensed areas.

We rounded one of the corner stores when we saw an undead with no legs feasting on a body. We didn’t make a noise, but it took notice anyways. Slowly turning its head before letting out a small snarl. It lost its interest in the partially eaten body as it used its only limbs to try to get to us. 

We were about to just go around the crawler and go on our way, but another appeared up ahead. A slow walking one. 

Walk towards the undead or walk towards the people we saw earlier? Either way, it was troubling knowing how hard it’d be to have an uneventful day today.

“What should we do?” Yerim asked besides me. She had her gun up, slowly backing away as they got closer. 

“I don’t know.” I was weighing out the options and both seemed crappy. “Let’s just…” 

The decision was made for us when one came running from behind the walking one, bumping into its shoulder as it came our direction. The walking one staggered, but kept its pace. The running one leaped over the half eaten body and didn’t stop.

We weren’t going to be able to run fast enough. There was no way. We were too exhausted from before. The gun would attract attention, but it was our only option.

Yerim was probably thinking the same. Gun still up, aimed. She pulled the trigger, but it didn’t budge. 

It was getting closer and I contemplated on tugging at Yerim’s arm to tell her to run. 

Yerim stood her ground, looked confused for a second before clicking the safety off, took aim, and tried firing again. 

There was a click, but no bullet.

I started to panic.

“Stupid.” I heard Yerim say under her breath before she cocked the gun back and fired.

It barely clipped its shoulder.

Please let her channel the power of gamer god Son Hyejoo, I pleaded. It was the only thing I could do, no matter how ridiculous it sounded. 

She shot again and hits its chest. It got knocked one step back before taking two forward. Another shot and the side of its head looked like it exploded. It fell to its knees before collapsing. 

I honestly thought we would have fared better if we still had the shovel rather than the gun. At least wacking someone didn’t take that much skill.

“I just wasted three bullets.” Yerim was breathing hard, gun still pointed up.

“You just saved us.” I placed my hand on her forearm to get her to lower the gun.

The gunshots for sure had to have gotten the attention from unwanted enemies, whether human or not. If three of these things were coming from our current position, there were probably more.

We still had some distance between us and the other two undead. More footsteps behind them made us start running towards our original direction, towards the people. We didn’t get far when we heard a screech coming from that way. 

My heart raced. We were going to be surrounded at this rate. 

Unnie.” Yerim pointed towards an alley with the gate slightly opened.

We ran without thinking about what we’d do if it were a dead end. 

Yerim yanked the heavy gate open and slammed it shut once I got in. There was no lock, but it’s not like those things knew how to open doors anyways. I prayed that one wouldn’t accidentally get it to open. 

It was a dead end. The only thing there was was a dumpster and doors on the side leading to the back of restaurants. 

A slam at the gate made me jump. We turned around to see one with its arms reaching through between the bars. It looked freshly turned. Those ones are the fastest and most aggressive.

Yerim was already trying her luck with the doors, but none would budge. 

Another slammed at the gate and another.

I went to the right side of the alley to try to open doors too, but a loud thud on the dumpster made the both of us whip our head around. A body with the top half was hanging from it before sliding off onto the ground. It laid there on its back, stretching its neck to look at us upside down before rolling on its stomach.

Before we could figure out a way to kill the thing quickly, another crunching thud was heard. 

Near the gate, another body dropped.

We looked up and then back to each other. There were more trying to get over the ledge of the roof on both sides of the alley and at the end. 

The one near the gate had its limbs all mangled before getting up. Its left ankle was barely attached to its leg as it dragged it towards us. 

A shot rang out and the mangled one fell.

I looked back at Yerim.

“Five more rounds.” She looked at me for a solution I didn’t have. We were already low on bullets with no other weapon on hand.

I glanced up to see another almost over the ledge above the dumpster. Yerim headed towards it when another dropped in front of me to the right. I screamed and backed up, only to have hands grabbing at me from through the gate.

Yerim turned around alarmed and yanked me to her.

“Behind!” I warned as the one over the ledge made it over. 

The first one by the dumpster was snapping its jaw as it crawled as fast as it could. The other got up from its knees, not taking too much damage from the fall. It got up quick, letting out an awful screech before it ran with its broken arms freely swinging behind. 

Yerim panicked, sending a wild bullet past it.

Four rounds.

I pushed Yerim to the side as it reached us, body colliding with the gate. It shook with such force as the combined groans got louder. Yerim fired again. The bullet goes through its head and hits another behind the gate in the neck.

Three.

The crawler was getting close when another dropped behind it. And another dropped to my left, its arm wacked me on on the shoulder on its way down. I fell to my knees, hands on the ground. Yerim was about to shoot it when I heard her yell as the crawler got too close, grabbing at her ankles. 

Two.

One.

I was almost to my feet when the one by my side rammed itself at me. I fell back down with the thing trying to climb up my body to get to my face.

Yerim.

I took care of her and Yeojin when the only family we had were each other. I wish I could have taken better care of her once this whole thing started, but I was just as scared as everyone else was. I’ve always tried to find strength in myself when I wanted nothing more than to just break down. I couldn’t just leave her all on her own.

“Unnie!” Yerim screamed over the noise, but I couldn’t look over, still trying to get away. 

I thought I was a goner when the thing got ripped off of me. My eyes were still trained on it when a machete came swinging down, almost detaching the top part of the head from the rest.

My eyes were playing tricks on me.

I was definitely dead.

“Get up!” The blonde with the machete yelled. 

I stumbled to my feet, stunned.

“Now’s not the time, Haseul!” I snapped back to reality as Jinsoul swung the machete down onto another.

I looked over to make sure Yerim was okay. She no longer had her gun, but instead, Heejin stood besides her, firing her own. 

I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming or not. I wasn’t sure if I was dead and this was just some eternal hell we had to suffer through with each other again or that they were really here. Never would I imagine seeing any of my members again, let alone having them save us from near death.

“Come on!” Jinsoul shouted at us before heading toward to the now open gate. The screechers there were killed off, but more were coming. 

How are we not dead? Where did they come from and how did they find us? There was no way this was real, but I ran with them anyways.

We ran towards stairs that were at the side of the building. 

“They’re everywhere on the roof!” I yelled trying to get Jinsoul’s attention.

“Those ones are slower than the ones down here!” She replied back.

We ran with echoed steps as I turned to see some still coming at us. 

“Check the doors!” Jinsoul swung her machete at a slower one that was at the top of the stairs.

Breaking ‘Haseul’s curse’, the first door I checked opened and we quickly ran inside, Jinsoul’s back to the door.

“Close the back door,” Jinsoul said, pointing her machete at a door that probably led to the kitchen of the restaurant. 

Heejin nodded and proceeded with her gun up.

I turned my attention back at Jinsoul and took a good look at her. Her left arm was in a makeshift sling and so much blood on her that I wasn’t sure if it was her’s or not.

In the corner of my eye, I could see Yerim swaying, but before I could react, Jinsoul already placed the weapon down and took ahold of her.

“I’m fine.” Yerim had a hand to her forehead, eyes closed tight. “Ju-just lightheaded.” It was only a matter of time before she'd finally collapse.

Jinsoul hugged her as I just stood there, still not believing the situation. I thought I’d break down and cry, but I just felt numb.

“You’re really here?” Yerim asked not taking her eyes off of Jinsoul’s face, studying it as if to remember what she has forgotten.

“Hey,” a soft voice called out from behind to get my attention before arms wrapped around my waist, head on the back of my shoulder. I stood frozen for a moment before sinking into the embrace. I got out of it quick to turn around and hugged Heejin back.

When we pulled away, I also studied her face and she studied mine. She looked like an entirely different person, rough around the edges, eyes that didn’t hold the softest gaze I was looking for. It made me let out a small cry thinking about that and I tried to hold in a sob. I couldn’t break down now. This place was already swarming with too many of them and we didn’t know if more were being attracted by the noise. 

The other two joined us in our hug and we stayed there for a moment exchanging I missed yous and I love yous. 

“How’d you guys get to us? I, for sure thought we were goners,” Yerim asked.

“We heard your voices. We thought our minds were playing tricks on us or that it was someone else, but we had to take our chances,” Heejin answered. “Bless that we decided on taking the risk.”

“Look, I know we just found each other, but we can’t stay here long.” Jinsoul cut the reunion short. “We got separated from Sooyoung and Jungeun only a bit ago. We have to go find them.”

That was not what I was expecting her to say. I was already overwhelmed with seeing these two, I couldn’t imagine the possibility of seeing even more members again.

“Just you four? How’d you guys separate?” I asked and wanted to ask more. Yerim looked just as desperate to know.

Jinsoul and Heejin glanced at each other before their gazes went back on us.

“I’ll tell you guys later.” She let go of Yerim, avoiding the question before trying to reach for her weapon.

I grabbed her arm. “Just tell us now. There might not be a later.”

I looked over at Heejin who had her eyes casted to the ground. I had to know. No matter how hard it was, I just had to.

“Look,” she sighed sympathetically. “I need all of us focused on getting out of here. We can’t afford to have our emotions clouding our minds. And sometimes, sometimes it’s better not knowing.”

I didn’t know if that was true or not. If it was easier knowing what happened or to just be ignorant about it. I’ve been blissfully pretending that everyone was alive somewhere, more well off than Yerim and I were doing, but to see these two here like this. With the way they handled their weapons and the things they’re keeping from us, I was scared that they’ve seen far worse than we have.

Too many thoughts ran through my head. When we last saw them. Everyone was together, or we thought they were. Yerim and I had been separated on our own almost right from the start. We had no idea where anyone was or if they were okay. In the back of my mind, I was pretending that everyone was alive the whole time, but seeing how Jinsoul and Heejin acted, it was highly unlikely. Knots were forming in my stomach and I felt my heart drop. I tried blinking away the tears and just focusing on the members in the here and now. 

“We should check the kitchen first. Might have weapons we could use,” Heejin said already heading back to the door she closed earlier.

We followed before getting stopped by Jinsoul at the door. “You two stay here. We’ll make sure it’s clear.”

I knew she didn’t mean it in a way that we were incapable, but it made sense. Her and Heejin have been through this together. They knew each other’s skills while ours were still in question. Honestly, I was glad they took charge for a moment. Almost dying just now and seeing them again left me unable to function properly. 

I could feel Yerim staring at me and I returned the look. She opened her mouth before closing it again. It was hard finding the right words to say in this situation. I let her take her time as she pondered on what to say.

“They’re alive,” she finally let out as if it still hasn’t sunk in.

“Yeah, they are.” I reached out to hold her hand. They were caked with dry blood. 

Them being alive gave me actual hope rather than the false hope I’ve been trying to implant into my head. It scared me. It scared me that Yerim was probably thinking the same. Knowing Sooyoung and Jungeun could still be out there too. It gave us too much hope that I was afraid it’d eventually break us completely if we weren’t careful.

Jinsoul and Heejin came back out after a short moment.

“Okay, who wants the knife and who wants the frying pan?” Jinsoul asked with both items raised up in one hand.

I looked at Yerim and she shrugged. “You did well with the shovel.”

“The frying pan it is,” she said as Jinsoul handed her the improvised weapon and gave me the giant butcher knife.

Heejin had her hand behind her back before bringing them out.

A can of corn and two cans of shikhye.

“Oh my god,” was all that came out of Yerim’s mouth.

Heejin smiled and gave her a can of the drink. Yerim held it with both hands before glancing over at me.

“Go ahead.” I motioned.

She wasted no time shaking the can, before pulling the tab. I never knew how much I missed the sound of a can opening until now. She took a big gulp before handing it to me. I took it and savored the sip. The sugary taste hit my tongue and I couldn’t help but smile. The corn was also being passed around as the other two shared the second can of the drink.

I heard a cough and looked up to see Heejin patting Yerim on the back. “Aish, eat slowly.”

It was hard to eat or drink slow when our stomachs has been eating itself. Trust the restaurant to have corn though. Out of all food items, I was not surprised we found this. Corn cheese, corn on bread and pizza, we put corn on everything. I had gotten sick of it, but having it now made me think of all the things I took for granted.

“We can’t waste anymore time,” Jinsoul said, passing the last bit of corn to the maknae.

We all nodded in agreement, collected our things, and headed towards the door.

“I’ll lead. Heejin in the back.” Jinsoul was always one of the softer members so to see her taking charge was such a reversal. It wasn’t something I thought I’d see. “How many rounds?”

Heejin clicked the magazine to drop and counted. “Six.” She shook her head disappointed.

“Better than nothing.” Jinsoul’s hand was on the doorknob ready to go.

“Wait.” Yerim spoke up. “Can we… can we hug again before going out there?” she asked shyly.

I was so glad she asked as we got into a group hug. Being in their embraces brought me back home. It was nice feeling an emotion other than fear and absolute sadness, even if it was just for a little while.

After what seemed like a long minute, we pulled apart, hands lingered a bit more before actually standing off on our own, but still close.

“Ready?” We all nodded and with that, the door opened and we stepped back into the noise.

I followed closely behind Yerim as Jinsoul led. She checked both ways before heading down the stairs to the right. I spotted a slow one struggling to get up the steps. Jinsoul didn’t slow down. She kept her pace down the stairs, kicking it on the way, and we watched as it tumbled down, knocking down another at the bottom. Her machete swung when we reached them, and quickly, both laid unmoving.

We heard screeching.

No matter what we did back there, the body would had still tumbled down the stairs making noise. It was inevitable. 

We ran alongside the building, carefully watching as the undead roamed around. The ones that were attracted to the noise came running far behind. It was only a matter of time before they caught up to our burning lungs though. 

We rounded a corner, leaving the plaza behind. We were out in the open, but the next building was not far.

I heard Heejin yell something as I turned around to see a sprinter coming straight for her from the right. It came a bit too close when she shot it. Its body doesn’t stop as its dead weight collided into Heejin, sending her crashing down on the the ground, gun flying. 

Heejin was already trying to get the body off as Yerim ran over to help. I picked up the fallen gun. I didn’t want the gun.

The farther ones were closing on in the distance. I heard another shout and turned to see Jinsoul pointing her machete at another one coming at us. I ran to her with the gun. I was not about to waste bullets on a bad shot. Jinsoul dropped her weapon to the ground as I reached her and took the gun, pointed it up, aimed, and waited. She waited until the running got less erratic and closer for the shot to be more precise and then fired. The screecher came skidding as we both jumped out of the way. It laid there for a second before moving with small growls, the bullet having only hit the side of its head.

I rolled the butcher knife in my hand before stepping on the screecher’s back, swinging down the weapon onto the skull with peeling flesh. It made a sick cracking sound as the knife sank in and I stepped on the head to pull it out again.

Three.

A shot rang out and I instinctively threw my hands to my head. Jinsoul had shot another that was getting too close to Heejin and Yerim.

Two.

Another shot hit another in the shoulder. They were running too fast for any of our other weapons to be useful. 

I hope Jinsoul didn’t think this was her fault. I would have done the same if I led. The place was getting surrounded and we didn’t know if more would swarm in. We could have waited to see if it’d clear out, but that would mean leaving Sooyoung and Jungeun to fend on their own in the meantime. We had no idea what kind of situation they were in and the more time we wasted was less chance of seeing them again. But even if we all died now, I was grateful that we got to see Jinsoul and Heejin one last time. It was probably the happiest we’ve been and there was no time for regret now.

We threw ourselves to the wolves, desperately trying to find another missing piece of home again.


	3. HOLD ON

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm... like always, I never know how I feel about things I post right away. I got tired of rereading it over and over, so I’m just going to post it. I’ll probably go back and edit more stuff later.

HOLD ON

Sooyoung’s POV

“Sooyoung,” she repeated again and stepped closer, kneeling down so that the gun was at her head.

Jinsoul slowly reached for the barrel and took a hold.

My whole body trembled as I gripped it tighter. 

It’d be easier if we were all dead.

Just pull the trigger.

Pull the trigger, Sooyoung.

But before I knew it, my grip loosened on its own. And when I finally let go, I didn't realize how much I was sobbing until Jinsoul took me in her arms, whispering words of comfort.

“I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry.” I kept muttering the same words over and over. I couldn’t say anything else. I was just a babbling mess, but she still held me with her good arm. 

I couldn’t think properly. I had no control over any of my actions as I felt the last bit of me only Jiwoo held shatter. I couldn’t feel anything mentally or physically. I was just there. Existing to exist, but existing for what? Our members are alive because we keep them in our memories, but when we leave this earth, there will be no one left we know to remember us. 

-

I don’t know when I fell asleep due to exhaustion, but when I woke, the sun was blazing in. I laid there, letting everything sink in. I let it sink in, but not enough for it to break me again. 

I sat up to see everyone else seated on the other side of the room, talking in hushed voices before turning my direction from the noise I was making.

“You’re up,” Jinsoul stayed the obvious as she got up to walked over to me.

I cleared my throat and ran my hand through my hair to compose myself before speaking. “How long have you guys been up?” My voice coming out more hoarse than I thought.

“Not long. We should check the house for supplies though and if it’s enough for a couple of days, we can stay, but if not, then we gotta keep moving.” She held her hand out for me to take.

I got up with her help before letting go as we walked to the other two. They were already standing by the door of the bedroom we crammed in last night.

“Hi Unnie,” Heejin greeted me with a small smile while Jungeun just rubbed my back. 

How were they holding up? I didn’t even think about that when I woke up. The only thing on my mind was my own hurt and that pained me to know that I was being selfish in a time of grief. Jiwoo was my love, but I wasn’t the only person missing her. 

Jinsoul picked up her backpack and rummaged through it a bit before fishing something out. “I found this in your jacket pocket last night when I was putting away your stuff.” She held up a can of tuna.

“Jiwoo found that in the store,” I said it so emotionlessly that I wasn’t sure if I was the one who spoke.

“Oh.” Jinsoul’s shoulders slumped as she put her arm down, handing the can over to Jungeun. “It might take a bit to get it open.”

I nodded.

This was how we dealt with things after we lose someone. We cried, we questioned everything, we slept, and then we wake up playing pretend. It was unhealthy, but it was the only we knew how to cope. If we talked about it, dwelled over it, we’d fall, and getting back up the second time was always harder. We’ve all been there. We’ve always gotten back up, but something in us changes every time. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what it was. It’s like, every day I care a little less and I get a little more reckless.

“You guys check the living room, Heejin and I in the kitchen? I’ll try to get this open.” Jungeun raised the can up before breaking off from the group. 

The house was small. We slept in the bigger room while the small room was on the opposite side of the house. The living room and kitchen were connected in the middle, so no matter where outside the bedrooms, we’d be able to see each other

“I’ll check over there.” Jinsoul pointed over to some shelves and a closet by the entrance. 

I went to the couch and lifted up the cushions as if I’d find something useful there. The drawer that held the lamp with cartoon characters on it was empty. I went over to the glass coffee table to see if there was anything other than magazines under it, but stopped sifting through it when my eye caught my own reflection on the glass. I was staring down at a stranger with sunken eyes and cheekbones. I took notice of my breathing getting shallow as I stood up abruptly. The reflection was still there, but on the television screen this time. I was in clothes we found in the bedroom we slept in.

I looked down at my hands. We tried our best to scrub away all of the blood, but it was still there, between my fingers, in the little creases, under my fingernails. 

She was everywhere.

“You okay, Sooyoung?” Jinsoul asked, worry evident in her voice.

I snapped out of the trance and nodded quickly. “Yeah, I’m good.” I cleared my throat and bent down to check under the table again. 

Between some magazines, there was a blue lighter sticking out. Lighters were easy to come across. With how many smokers there were in this country, you could find them in houses, in cars, on people. Smoking was a bad habit I hated, but I guess some good came out of it. 

I pushed the magazines off and pulled the lighter out to reveal a box of matches under the pile. Can’t ever have enough ways to start fire. 

“Holy shit!” I whipped my head back to Jinsoul, who slammed the closet door shut. She had her face turned away, hands on her knees, gagging. 

The other two members ran to where Jinsoul was as soon as they heard her exclaim. 

“Not to freak anyone out, but there’s a dead man in the closet.” Her breathing was still a bit uneven as she spoke. “I don’t know how long he’s been there, but holy crap, the smell. I’m surprised we didn’t smell it before.”

“Okay, let’s not touch the closet anymore.” Heejin looked relieved to know it wasn’t a serious issue.

“Yeah, well, the dead man also has a machete, so I gotta open it again.” Jinsoul sighed and motioned for us to go away. I watched as she took a deep breath before holding it. She yanked the door open, impressively took only a second to grab the weapon before closing the door back up. She headed to the kitchen after, still trying not to gag. I shoved the lighter and box of matches into my jacket pocket and followed suit. 

Jungeun already had the can of tuna open on the counter as her and Heejin were still looking through some of the cabinets.

“No damn luck,” Jungeun huffed and pointed at the can. “At least I got that open though.”

“Let’s just eat and go. There’s no point in staying here now.” Jinsoul placed the machete down on the other side of the counter and pushed the can over to the maknae. 

Heejin used the bent metal lid as an improvised spoon, carefully making sure the sharp edges didn’t cut her as she ate, and then passed it over.

“Thank you for finding us food, Jiwoo,” Jungeun whispered under her breath, but we all heard it.

The food was bittersweet. It was food, but so little of it. It was also the last gift we’d ever get from Jiwoo. Will I forget bits and pieces of her like how I barely remember the feeling of Gowon patting my head as if she were older than me. And I never thought I’d ever forget Haseul’s voice, but sometimes it gets harder to imagine her counting the 12 of us off. I tried so hard to not think about them, so that I could move forward, but all of the sudden, they all just came rushing back.

“Sooyoung.” I heard my name from far away. “Sooyoung, hey.” I felt a nudge and turned to see my remaining members all looking at me in concern.

“We should head out,” Jinsoul said rubbing my arm. “You okay?”

“I’m fine.” I shook my head, but she still had a grip on me. “It’s just… It’s nothing. We should go.” I shrugged my arm out and walked towards the door as I heard her sigh.

-

It rained last night. It made the world look more grey than usual. The sun was out, but the colors looked dulled. The wet ground under our feet made our steps louder than usual. It wasn’t by much, but every little thing could count.

I had Heejin’s bat since she had the gun and Jiwoo’s knife in my waistband. We were armed, but it didn’t make us feel any less scared.

“Check the cars for supplies. Remember to check under them and not to close back any doors.” Jungeun once again took the lead as we came to a road so full of cars that we’d probably have to climb over some to get anywhere.

We knew not to go out of sight from each other as we went off to cover more ground separately. 

The whole place was a mess. People probably abandoned their vehicles after figuring they were getting nowhere in heavy traffic. The only way out was on foot, out in the open, vulnerable to anything and anyone out there. 

I tried opening the back door of the next car to find it jammed, but came open with a few tugs. I rummaged through a bunch of empty cans and snack bags. Someone must have tried staying in this car for as long as they could before running out of food. 

There was nothing useful here. We used to get so frustrated when we came up empty handed, but once we accepted that was how things were going to be, you kind of just move along as if starvation wasn’t such a big deal.

I accidentally banged my head on the top of the roof getting out when a loud noise caught me by surprise. I instinctively got down, my back to the open door.

What the fuck was that? 

It sounded like someone was holding down the horn of one of the cars.

I peeked up to see Jinsoul and Heejin next to each other, two cars in front of me and Jungeun to my right, hiding at the front of another car. 

I signaled for Jungeun to move towards my direction, away from the sound. She motioned for the other two to do the same. There were cars in between blocking us from getting to each other, but we moved in the same general direction. We tried to stay low and quicken our pace, but it was an obstacle getting around everything. 

Sounds of the undead was heard and my heart pounded louder in my ears than the horn. 

We were careful. We were always careful, but that never mattered when there were other things in play. Someone or something always fucked it up and we had to deal with the consequences. 

“They’re coming!” I heard a shout from the other side.

I stood up and started running. I could see the others doing the same from in between cars and through windows. Jinsoul and Heejin were still together, with the maknae in front. Jungeun was going around the same pace but separated on the other side of cars, closer to me.

I only had a split second to look back, but what I saw made me glad Jiwoo wasn’t with us anymore. She was safe now. She wasn’t suffering in this hellhole, and all I could think about was when will this cruel world let me go too?

These ones must have just turned. They were climbing over cars faster than we could find paths around the blockage. 

We’re only as fast as our slowest runner. Jinsoul has always been a fast runner, but with her injured arm and the other one holding onto the machete, she was lagging behind.

There were too many of them. We won’t make it. 

“Hey! Hey! Over here!” I veered off from my members, banging on cars with my bat.

One got close to the group and Heejin fired a shot. Two more went my direction. Another run at them.

I was still shouting and banging on cars. I could see my members yelling from ahead, but I couldn’t hear what they were saying over the noise.

To think that this might be the last time I’ll ever see them again made me wish I could have said more. I was never very vocal about my emotions. I didn’t wear them on my sleeves like Jiwoo did. I’ve always said that I’d never want to die with regrets, but regrets was all I could think about in this moment of uncertainty. 

Before I got very far, I could make out the members shouting to each other from across the cars.

One of the two runners got close and the swing of my bat meets skull caused my arms to tremble from the impact.

Jungeun was running my direction.

Our rule was to never split up. Splitting up only got you killed in movies, but this wasn’t the movies. I didn’t have a choice. I did it to give the rest of them a chance. But when I thought about it, what was I actually giving them? I wondered if it was better we were together till we met our end or if I was just selfish. Selfish that I didn’t want to see anyone else I loved die. 

Jungeun shoots the second one that was getting closer to me. More of them trailed behind her as we were now both making noise to get them away from the other two. I almost couldn’t see Jinsoul and Heejin anymore, but not many were following them as they were tailing us.

I waited for the shorter blonde to close the distance and stopped the racket. We sprinted without looking back. The fast footsteps and inhuman like sounds were enough to know we didn’t have time to turn around to check. 

There wasn’t much around compared to our original destination. I could only pray that that direction could provide for the other members more than what this was giving us. 

The closest thing in sight was a loading dock at the back of a mall up ahead. We could either try our luck with the doors or keep on running, but I could feel my legs and lungs already about to give out.

“Go up the ramp and try the door. If not, circle around and go back out!” I instructed.

As we got closer, I could see the door slightly ajared. I yanked it open and waited for Jungeun to run through before closing it shut. 

We were in the dark. There was nothing, but the sound of us trying to catch our breath and water dripping onto the slightly wet ground. I reached out blindly for Jungeun who probably had her hands on her knees since my hand came in contact with her back hunched over. She straightened up and my hand went to her arm to feel where she was. When I knew she was close, I let go and dug into my jacket pocket for the lighter and pulled it out. The bat still clung tightly in my right hand. 

I spun the little wheel and watched as sparks flew out, but no fire. I tried it again and got a small flame. Jungeun reached out for the lighter to adjust the little tab to the right so that the flame was at its largest. Even with that though, we couldn’t see that far ahead. 

We were most likely in the storage room at the back of the mall. 

“This isn’t scary at all,” Jungeun finally spoke up in a hushed voice.

“Let’s go along the walls until we find another door or something.” My back was against the door and I was afraid to leave it.

It wasn’t like out there in the light where you could have each other’s backs. Here, in the dark, we could only see a few feet ahead of us with this cheap lighter. Anything could pop out from any direction and it was just safer knowing exactly what was behind me. We would also be able to trace back where we came from if we had to get out again. We just had to hope that the dead were not piling up outside the door.

Jungeun was about to start walking to the left, when she turned around knowing I was going to protest. “I know you never let me lead because you’re the oldest or whatever, and you feel like it’s some to-the-death kind of responsibility, but I have a gun and I’m a good shot.”

No matter how little I spoke about my emotions and thoughts to my members, they somehow already knew. I know I shouldn’t be surprised by the amount of times it has happened, but it still gets to me. I appreciate that they know when to not pry, that sometimes, I have to deal with things on my own, but there are those moments when I do need them to remind me that I’m not alone and that they understand how I function.

“Okay.” Was all I could say and nodded at her.

She nodded back and turned around, heading to the left. She had her shoulder close to the wall, gun pointed up, while I had the wall behind my back. My left forearm was resting on Jungeun’s right shoulder so that the lighter could illuminate ahead of her and I wouldn’t lose her as I kept watch of what was behind us.

My thumb was starting to hurt from keep having to spin the wheel of the lighter every time it got too hot. 

“Did you hear that?” Jungeun suddenly stopped walking and I stood there silently trying to listen to what she could have heard.

I felt her back up against me. “I think I just saw something.” She pointed to the right, at edge of what we could see with the flame.

We stood there frozen, both squinting our eyes to see if it was our minds playing tricks on us. The flame made every shadow seem like things were moving. 

I held my breath when that wishful thinking was thrown out. “Move,” I whispered urgently and pushed Jungeun ahead. “There’s one behind us.”

It stood there all skin and bones. Its hair was thin and looked like it would fall with a slight tug. It wasn’t looking in our direction, but was close enough to the door we came from, that I didn’t want to risk finding out if there were more over there.

We tried to walk quietly, but it was hard with us quickening our pace. The speed we were going at kept putting out the flame and we were walking in the dark for a few seconds at a time before I could get the light back up.

My thumb was cramping from overuse and the cold, and before I knew it, the lighter escaped my grip and dropped to the floor with a small echoing clank. “Fuck.”

We both froze and listened for any movements that might have heard my mistake.

In between the pattern of dripping water, I swore I heard something. It was quiet, but it was there. 

I reached into my pocket for the box of matches. Too afraid to bend down to look for the lighter. I opened the box so that it was just enough space for me to reach in and pull one out, scared I might drop everything if I opened it more.

“I have matches still. On the count of three okay?” I said slinging the rope that was attached to the bat over my shoulder so that it hung to my side. I held my breath as I had the match up against the side of the box. “1, 2, 3.” I finished counting off and light filled the room a few feet ahead of us again.

Before my sight could adjust and register that there were eyes looking at us, a shot rang out from Jungeun’s gun, hitting a creature on the right side of the forehead. 

There were more of them. Low groans were echoing as I struck another match. The light showed them our location, but it was also the only way we could find a way out. 

By now, we were speed walking. The attention was probably already on us, so there was no use in trying to be stealthy now. We couldn’t exactly run with the matches going out, leaving us vulnerable in the dark. And just as my current match went out, I saw Jungeun pointing her gun up at the outline of another.

I fumbled to get another match out, dropping a few in the process. I struck it quickly as I heard footsteps getting closer. 

The flame ignited the stick and Jungeun fired. 

Before the match got halfway, another figure walked into the circle of light around us. I had no choice but to drop the box of matches and reach for my bat. With one hand, I gripped the handle and lifted it up. The burning match dropped from my hand as I felt it hot against my fingers. The bat came down on its head as the flame went out and we were left in the dark again.

Jungeun grabbed my arm and pulled me along in pitch black. I couldn’t tell which direction we were going towards. I was just thinking about how we were going to be eaten alive and I couldn’t even see Jungeun’s face before we died. 

Light flooded my vision and I was for sure we were dead, but instead, I was on the ground with light grey and white patterned tiles. 

“I saw the door before the match went out.” Jungeun’s voice shook as she tried to even out her breathing.

I sat up. My heart was still beating in my ears.

We were in the back of a grocery store at the first floor of the mall. It was pretty well lit with how many windows there were. 

“We need to find a way out. Get back to the others.” The store was tempting to raid, but we couldn’t risk it or waste time. 

She nodded and stood up, helping me to my feet as well.

The crunching of broken glass and junk could be heard from under our feet as we tried to maneuver around fallen shelves. Liquid on the floor mixed with everything made the sole of our shoes sticky. 

I froze and saw that Jungeun was stopped too, staring in the same direction as me. We both got low and went behind cover without needing to say a word.

I pointed to the checkout area that was blocked by shopping carts. We were going to have to move them out of the way to get to the entrance that led into the mall. 

Jungeun nodded and followed behind me as we moved slowly, taking glances at the wandering walker that had its back towards us. 

The doors weren’t far, but at our careful pace, each step felt longer than they should.

Every aisle we passed, I prayed there was nothing, but praying never gets you anywhere. And just to our luck that we’ve never had, there was a top half of a body that was stuck under a rack of snacks, snarling at us. It tried clawing its way out from under, scraping the metal rack against the tiled floor. 

Attracted to the noise, a foot stepped into view at the end of the aisle, behind the snarling half body. We didn’t wait to see how fast it was and ran for the doors. Every hair stood on the back of my neck when a rotting face stopped me in my tracks, causing me to almost lose balance. The tall figure opened its mouth to scream, blood and other fluids came spitting out and dripped down its chin. Before it could even take a step, a bullet goes through the center of its face and Jungeun doesn’t waste time to go move the shopping carts out of the way. I composed myself and brought the bat down on its still snapping jaw before stepping over its body.

There were so many carts that they got tangled on one another. I looked back first to access the situation before helping, but my eyes widen as a one armed runner collided with me, tackling me over the carts. I grunted as the wind was knocked out of my lungs and my bat went flying. I gasped for air and immediately threw my arms up to fight back. I thought I was seeing double as I blinked rapidly to clear my vision, but there was another figure by my legs. The one on top was closing its distance onto my face. I couldn’t see the one by my legs anymore and I was ready to feel pain, but Jungeun came through and with one swift kick, it landed away from me and she shoot it down before it could move again. I tried to shove the decaying face away, but it was too strong.

More shots were fired. 

It was mere inches away from our nose touching when I felt what I was reaching for. With a yell, I turned my face to the side and swung my arm at its head. Jiwoo’s knife dug in its skull and I quickly shoved it off, scrambling back on my elbows. 

My eyes darted around for Jungeun. 

Pain shot through my ankle and up my leg from the fall. “Shit.” I got up and tried to stand on both of my feet, but putting pressure on my right ankle made me wince. I bit my lip and limped over to the fallen bat. 

“Stupid fuck,” I muttered angrily, grabbed the weapon, and swung the bat at the back of the legs of a plump creature that had Jungeun occupied. It fell to its knees as the blonde pulled the trigger. Bone and brains splattered out of the back of its head, onto the already filthy floor as it collapsed with a loud thud. 

Jungeun was breathing heavily, gun still pointed. It laid there twitching, but didn’t get back up.

“Jungeun.” She snapped out of the daze and nodded frantically to let me know she was okay.

Standing still for a short moment was enough to make me lightheaded from the adrenaline. My ankle almost gave out as I used the bat to steady myself. Jungeun was by my side in a split second.

“Unnie,” she uttered out in concern and placed my arm over her shoulders to be my support. 

There was more noise coming within the store.

Jungeun’s eyes blurred with tears, but she tried shaking them away. “Let’s go.”

We made the rest of our way out the front door of the store, into the gigantic mall. 

Indoors scared me. We were stuck in such a confined place where things could be hiding around every corner. Things weren’t hiding this time though. All the noise from the store definitely attracted more attention.

There was noise coming in directions we couldn’t tell. It echoed off the walls and bore into our ears.

We looked at each other and Jungeun wasn’t trying to hold back the silent tears anymore.

We ran as fast as we could, but we were only as fast as our slowest runner. I’ve always been a fast runner, but none of it mattered now.

I was holding her back.

“Jungeun,” I called out. “Jungeun, I won’t be able to go much farther.”

“Don’t be stupid,” the shorter girl growled out and kept the pace. I don’t even know why I tried. She would never leave me.

“Jungeun,” I repeated, but with more urgency. 

There were a few to our far right. I nudged at Jungeun to move faster than we already were when I made eye contact with one.

It started running.

I couldn’t go on any longer. My ankle was on fire. It was impossible to not put pressure on it when trying to run for our lives.

We weren’t heading towards the exit of the mall. It was too far. Jungeun was leading us somewhere else.

“What are you doing?” I tried shaking my arm off of her, but she gripped tighter. 

She turned around to shoot the runner. It comes skidding on the floor and wasted no time trying to crawl at us. 

There were more.

The godawful sounds they were making was terrifying. 

We head towards stores and Jungeun pushed into the one that looked the most intact.

She took my arm off her shoulders and began moving things in front of the glass door.

I stood there numb. 

It didn’t last long when a body collided with the door, making Jungeun jolt, but she quickly went back to barricading the door. It was useless. The whole store was made of glass.

More bodies slammed.

We looked at each other, but didn’t say a word as Jungeun helped me to get as far away from the glass as possible.

We were in a small stationary store. Everything in it was cute. Jiwoo would have loved all of these stickers. 

“Jiwoo would have spent all of her paycheck on these stickers,” Jungeun said stealing my thought and took a seat to my left.

“Yeah, she would have.” Will everything always remind me of her?

I had my knees up to my chest in response to feeling safer curled up in a small ball, but it was starting to hurt my ankle. I winced as I tried straightening it out. 

“How many rounds we got?” I asked once I got into a more comfortable position.

She checked the magazine and finished counting too quickly for it to be a good number. “Three.”

“Lucky us.” I laughed at the irony. One last shot at one of those fuckers and two left for us if it had to come down to it.

“No, for real. Lucky us.” Jungeun laughed bitterly and handed me the gun. “I’m sorry for making you have to do this when you couldn’t before.”

I turned to see her wearing the saddest smile. “What?”

Jungeun turned away from me and shook her head. “I guess I’m not meant to live without Jiwoo.” She rolled up her sleeve on her left arm to reveal a bite mark. It looked quite deep, but the bleeding had seemed to stop already.

I felt what was left of color in my face leave me. My heart dropped and I couldn’t even tell what mix of emotions I was feeling. “No…” I trailed off.

“Unnie.” Jungeun reached out for me, but I swatted her away.

“This…” I started, vision getting blurry from not breathing properly. “You shouldn’t have followed me,” I said it more angrily than I intended to.

“I wanted to. It was my choice.” She didn’t understand. I was supposed to die alone. I deserved to die alone. Jungeun wasn’t supposed to be here.

“No. It wasn’t supposed to this way!” My voice got louder and she flinched at the outburst.

“Then how? With you shooting all of us?” She shouted back at me. 

I had my head in my hands until I felt her reach out for me again. “Please look at me, Unnie.”

I hesitated, but she waited patiently until I turned to her with tears streaming down my face. The eye contact only made it worse when I choked on a sob I was trying to hold back. “I’m supposed to take care of you.”

“There’s no way you’re blaming yourself for this too. This isn’t your fault. And there’s no point in crying now if we’re going to die anyways.” She was right. My ankle was already swelling up and there was no way I’d be able to run out of here. Jungeun knew that we both wouldn’t make it past today or even the next few moments.

“I’ve been nothing but selfish.”

“No, none of us blames you for anything. You did everything you could for us.”

“I’m sorry, Jungeun.”

“We’re not going to spend our last moments apologizing.” She shook her head and took my hand in her own. “I love you, Sooyoung unnie.”

“I love you too.” I looked away, trying to control my breathing as I rested my head against the shelf behind me. “And I’m sorry anyways.”

“Aren’t we all?” Jungeun sighed. “I chose to follow you. I’ve said my goodbyes to Jinsoul unnie. She understands. You know she does. I just couldn’t let you be alone. I couldn’t…” She gave my hand a squeeze. “I couldn’t let you die alone thinking all these messed up things you keep thinking.”

I closed my eyes in response and tried not to cry again. I’m sure she already knew what was going through my mind.

Jungeun spoke up again, “you know, there hasn’t been a day where I didn’t talk to Jiwoo since high school. Even on holidays we’re always together with our families.”

“You can keep that talking streak with Jiwoo in heaven.”

“I don’t think she believed in heaven.” Jungeun let out a small chuckle. “She told me she wanted to be reincarnated into a penguin.”

That got my attention and I turned back to Jungeun, still sniffling. “She told me she wanted to be reincarnated into a hamster.”

“That kid be picking all the cute animals because she knew she was cute.” Jungeun shook her head as if she was not surprised to hear this new information.

It was crazy to think that we had a life before this. It hasn’t even been that long, but everything about that life felt so far away. I can’t imagine going back to being the way I was. Who I am now is all I know and who I was back then doesn’t exist if no one’s here to remember me. 

“Do you regret it?”

“Regret what?”

“Not shooting us,” she answered so nonchalantly, as if it could have been any one of us breaking down with the gun.

“Even if I wanted to, I don’t think I could have. I mean, I didn’t, but now I’m going to have to anyways.” I didn’t say it to make Jungeun feel bad. It was inevitable. We all promised each other that it was better with a bullet in our head than to roam the earth being one of those flesh eating creatures. 

“I don’t think I mind dying like this. It’s only fair. Killing ourselves like that would have been easier than how our members went out.”

“We’re going to die here. We don’t deserve this. None of us do. Whether we end ourselves or not, there is no easy way out.” As much as I say I deserve this, we really didn’t.

“I keep pretending that,” she paused to stop her voice from shaking, “Jinsoul and Heejin are somewhere better off. They found some place safe. It’s just so… frustrating to know that we’ll never find out what happened to them. But I guess they’re thinking the same.” 

Even in death, there was no closure.

“We’re lucky you know,” she spoke up again.

I looked at her puzzled.

Jungeun smiled sadly. “At least we get to say goodbye to each other.”

I turned away from her as my eyes stung with tears.

“Lip…” She had her arm out for me.

I stuck mine out too, already knowing what she wanted to do. “Ves.”

“Cross,” we said at the same time and laughed at our situation and how fucked we were.

It only took a couple of minutes after that Jungeun started coughing up blood. She looked at me with sorry eyes and I just held her hand tighter. Soon, it was getting harder for her to keep her head up. She was breathing hard, hair sticking to her face as sweat dripped down her face. Her chin was now close to her chest, not having the strength anymore. 

She was quietly muttering “I love yous” under her breath and I was desperately trying not to break. I was scared after every “I love you” that her voice would stop, but then it did. 

I stopped crying and held my breath. She sat so still. 

I let go of Jungeun and pointed the gun up with shaking hands.

It didn’t take long for her to start moving again. _It_ to start moving again. I couldn’t view the thing next to me as Jungeun anymore. Jungeun was gone. This was not her.

I scooted a bit back as the body twitched uncontrollably for a few seconds at most. It suddenly stopped and went still again. It made airy noises and ground its teeth. It lifted its chin up from its chest to slowly turn towards me, but before it could fully face me, I pulled the trigger. The force of the bullet sent its body crashing over to the other side.

I felt less like me every time I’m forced to do the things I have to do, but don’t want to do.

Dropping the gun, I pulled my knees up to my chest and cried out loud. I didn’t care about the pain that was shooting up my ankle or that my breakdown was attracting more attention. I didn’t care that I was digging my nails into my arms, breaking the skin as sobs wracked my body.

Jungeun and Jiwoo in less than 24 hours. 

They’ve always joked that they’d grow old together no matter what life throws at them. They’d always have each other. It was a promise they made before our group even started to become a close knitted family. I guess it was only right that they’d leave this earth not so far apart.

I wondered where Jinsoul and Heejin were. I wondered a lot of things. I questioned everything, but nothing had answers. 

I picked the gun back up and stared at it. I let my members suffer through more than they should. I should have ended all of us when I had the chance.

I shook my head. 

No. 

It wasn’t my fault. I couldn’t go back to that way of thinking. No matter how much I wanted to blame myself, I knew I wasn’t at fault. Jungeun followed me to make sure I knew that. I couldn’t blame myself now. It would be disrespectful to think that after what Jungeun gave up to come save me from myself. She could have been with Jinsoul, but she chose to be with me. I couldn’t be more thankful, but so sorry at the same time. What did I do to deserve every single one of my members to be in my life? 

I took a shaky deep breath. The glass of the store was cracking under the pressure of so much weight from the bodies pressed up against it. I placed the barrel of the gun under my chin. My hands trembled as my jaw ached from clenching it so tightly. 

In this world, I’ve never had control over anything, but at this moment, I had my life. No one was going to take that away from me but myself. 

I heard glass break. I gripped the gun tighter and took in a deep breath.

There was nothing more I wanted than to be at peace now. I was so tired. I just wanted to close my eyes and finally be able to rest.

Jinsoul. 

Heejin. 

Please forgive me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading~


	4. WE’LL MEET AGAIN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um hi. i’m resting in my hotel bed, being sick on vacation, so i thought i’d take this miserable time to write and update this fic lol. it’s shorter and i’m tired of rereading it, so imma post it. sorry if it’s shitty. i’ll probably edit it later or something.

WE’LL MEET AGAIN

Haseul’s POV

One.

One bullet left in Jinsol’s gun, but why was I hearing more?

I was crouched down, but let my hands fall from covering my head to see screechers dropping ahead of me. It wasn’t until I looked farther down to see two people firing in our direction. The two maknaes were flat on the ground with Heejin covering Yerim as much as she could with her body. Jinsol was closer to me, crouched down in the same manner, but she kept her composure.

The firing ceased and Jinsol stood up, weapon still drawn. 

Were they aiming for us too or helping us?

I got my answer when they got closer. The taller built man of the two approached, rifle still drawn. “Lower your weapon.”

Jinsol didn’t comply.

The shorter man had a pistol that was aimed up as well, but was standing by our other members. He didn’t seem to view them as threats when all they had for a weapon was a frying pan next to them.

“You lower yours first.” What was she doing? Just do as they say.

“You’re in no position to me giving us commands.” Both of the men had on bandanas covering their mouths and goggles so that we couldn’t tell what they looked like. “Now, drop your weapons because we’ll be taking them, and you better hurry ‘cause more zombies are coming.”

Jinsol hesitated before letting out a sigh of frustration. 

“Slowly now. Don’t do anything stupid.” 

I watched Jinsol slowly raise up her arm in surrender before dropping it down again, but before it got any lower, she fired at the taller one.

I gasped in shock and stood there frozen. I watched as Heejin didn’t hesitate to move before the taller man even dropped to the ground. The frying pan hits the shorter of the two behind the knee. He yelled out, sending a wild shot into the air. She then threw herself at him, trying to grab at his arm with the gun.

He was stronger.

He easily threw her off, but Yerim was on top of him just as fast and Heejin didn’t waste any time scrambling up as she threw herself back on him, right knee on the bicep. 

Jinsol was already running towards them. Empty gun still in hand. She was heading towards the man she shot though, who had dropped his rifle, but was now trying to get a grip on it. He was bleeding out, but still alive. Alive enough to pick the weapon back up as he laid there, but before he could do anything, Jinsol smashing her gun onto his face over and over. The sick crunching of metal on bone made me nauseous. It didn’t stop until I couldn’t see him move anymore.

I finally snapped out of my daze and ran to see Heejin slamming the other man’s arm down repeatedly until his grip loosened. She pried the pistol away and switched her knee so that it was on his chest instead, aimed the gun to the side of his head as he laid flat on his back, and pulled the trigger. Yerim screamed and fell off of the man, eyes widen as his blood splattered on her. Heejin dropped to the ground beside him, laying there, breathing heavy.

“Are you guys okay?” I called out worriedly, kneeling next to Heejin, checking her over for any wounds before doing the same thing to Yerim. I didn’t even get a chance to react when it all happened so fast.

“You guys okay?” Jinsol asked the same question as she approached us.

I stood up. “What the hell was that?” I yelled angrily, pushing Jinsol back. “They only wanted our weapons! You should have gave it to them!”

“You don’t know that,” Jinsol replied as she tried to move passed me again.

“You didn’t have to kill them! What does this make us?” I had my hand on her chest so that she couldn’t go around. 

“There are no good or bad guys. This world is nothing like what it was. Those rules don’t apply here. All we do is try to survive, and right now, they have weapons we need,” Jinsol growled out. 

I dropped my hand and shook my head. “You just killed people.”

She sighed and spoke up again, but in a calmer voice this time. “We don’t know if they were even going to let us go. If they tried anything, we’d be dead. I’m sorry that you had to see me do that, but if I have the chance to save our members over strangers wasting my time, I’d take the chance every time.” 

“She’s right, Unnie. We’ve encountered our share of strangers and I’m not taking any risks when it comes to our survival over theirs.” Heejin backed up Jinsol as she helped Yerim to her feet.

I looked at Yerim to see her slowly nodding her head, agreeing with the other two.

They were right. When I thought about it, their lives meant nothing to me for a chance to see Sooyoung and Jungeun again. It was scary how much empathy I didn’t have for the dead strangers once I let what Jinsol said sink in. 

“Do you even know how to use that thing?” I asked instead of trying to argue more. There was no use when they were already dead and we were still breathing.

Heejin nodded as she walked over to the man with the bashed in face, seemingly unbothered as she searched his body for supplies. Jinsol did the same to the other man.

“Come help me, Unnie.” Heejin motioned for me.

I walked over and kneeled down, trying my best not to look at all of the blood. She got me to roll over the man as we stripped him of his bomber jacket.

“You need something more than just a wet t-shirt.” She handed it over and I threw it on although it was probably a few sizes too big for me.

“Ten rounds and an extra full magazine.” I heard Jinsol announce from next to us. “Doesn’t seem to fit this gun though,” she grumbled under her breath as she tried to put it into her own empty weapon.

“What kind of ammo? Is it the same?” Heejin asked standing up with the rifle slung over her shoulder.

Jinsol took out a bullet and examined it. “9mm. Nice.” She began taking the rest out before transferring it over to the other magazine of her pistol.

They knew too much about guns. They handled it as if they’ve shot them their whole lives. I guess you have to learn quickly when your survival depended on it. It made me think of the other members and what happened to them. It made me think of everything they must have gone through, but I quickly shook the thought as I remembered that we were once a group of twelve, and now I didn’t know how many there were anymore. No one would tell us anything.

“Which one of you want a gun?” Jinsol asked holding up one of them.

“I can take it, but today was actually my first time using one,” Yerim replied with her hand up as if she was in school.

Jinsol shrugged and handed it over. “Better than nothing.”

I tossed the butcher knife I still had and walked over to the fallen machete to pick it up. This was more of my thing.

“There’s one getting too close.” Heejin had her rifle up. “Too loud to shoot?”

Jinsol nodded and looked over at me. I looked down at my machete and then back up before walking over to a fast limping one with part of its head missing. I guess I’m cleaning the rest of the head off as I swung the weapon and watched as it fell forward. I jumped back before it could fall on me.

I wasn’t sure if I felt bravier with more of my members here or if I was just playing myself. Pretending for the sake of them. I didn’t want to be scared. I wanted to protect them.

“We have to head back to the cars,” Jinsol said to Heejin.

“There were a lot of them there.” 

“There’s a lot of them everywhere. The more time we waste, the farther Sooyoung and Jungeun could be getting.”

Heejin nodded and held her rifle a little tighter as we headed towards our destination.

More cars came into view as we got closer to where I assumed the members got split up. We had to climb over some when there wasn’t a way around. We went as fast as Yerim could go, her movements sluggish as I helped her up, hands shaking from exhaustion. 

“I know we have to get to the others, but I don’t know how much farther Yerim could go,” I expressed my concern as she wobbled on her feet, having landed a bit too harshly from hopping off a car’s hood.

“I’m fine, Unnie. I want to find them.” Yerim tried to keep her voice steady, but it came out almost breathless.

Jinsol turned around. “Even if we want to stop, we still have to find shelter.” She walked over and placed the back of her hand on Yerim’s forehead. “You’re burning up.” Jinsol frowned in concern. “The members we have in the here and now should be priority. We’ll find a place to rest as soon as we can.”

“But,” Yerim started.

“We have no idea where they are right now or if they’re even,” Jinsol let out a shaky breath, stopping herself from finishing her sentence. “We just found you, Yerim. Let’s take care of your health first okay?”

The maknae nodded her head, hating how weak she was. She wanted nothing more than to see her other members before it was too late, yet her body wouldn’t cooperate with her.

They kept walking, a pace a little slower than before. It was risky being out in the open, but it wouldn’t matter if they tried moving faster, depleting all of their energy.

“Do you think they went in there?” I asked as a loading dock with trucks came into view.

“Even if they did, we can’t go in. It’s too dangerous.” Jinsol eyed the location, seeing some of the undead piled at one particular spot.

“But what if they did?” 

“It’s a chance we can’t take.”

I nodded, not forgetting that it was best if we found a place to rest rather than pursuiting our other task.

“We should go around. There has to be something beyond the mall.” Jinsol looked like she was going to say more, but quickly whipped her head around when we heard loud bangs from behind. 

Heejin also turned, gun aimed up, looking back at the cars we just passed. “Already?”

We knew there were more back there, but the ones we left behind were slow. They were catching up way faster than we expected.

“Come on.” Jinsol motioned for us to move forward, but stopped for a second when she saw the undead that were piled at the loading dock were now scattered, some looking in our direction. “Shit. Move,” she hissed out.

We started running towards the same direction, but hoped we could be faster to go around the mall than they were. 

It didn’t take long for the sound of Heejin’s gun to go off. It came out rapidly and loud, louder than I thought it’d be so up close. The sound attracted more attention, but it was our only choice as they advanced.

I watched as Jinsol ran a few feet ahead, letting a screecher from the docks get close before shooting it in the head. I jumped over the body as Yerim did the same, her hand in mine.

My heart was beating out of control, head spinning from too many things going on at once. Heejin was falling behind, stopping every once in awhile to shoot so that her aim was more accurate. 

I gripped Yerim’s hand tighter, but as I tried to tug her along, her hand yanked out of mine. I turned to see her on the ground, struggling to get up as her body failed her. I almost reached her when something slammed into my side, knocking me off of my feet. My eardrums felt like they were going to burst from the loud screech that came through my left ear. I blindly swung my machete, hitting the creature as I felt what I assumed blood splatter on me. Looking up, I saw its open mouth aimed at my face as I instinctively kicked out, causing it to shift its weight off of me, giving me enough space to push myself back with my elbows.

“Yerim!” I heard Heejin shout along with the firing of her gun.

I swung my weapon again, this time hitting my attacker in the neck. Getting to my knees, I raised the machete up over my head before bringing it down. 

Yerim screamed.

I turned in her direction to see her still on her stomach on the ground, a screecher had its teeth sunk down on her calf, another was grabbing at her arm.

I couldn’t hear anything anymore. There was no sound of guns and none of our voices could be heard. It was just dead silent as my senses failed to register anything that was happening. Everything moved in slow motion, like a dream where no matter how fast you tried to run, you just couldn’t. 

My body moved on its own as I desperately tried to reach Yerim, but I was pulled back before I could even move two feet forward. Suddenly all the sounds came back and I could hear my own screams and sobs as I tried yanking my arm away from whoever had a hold of me.

“Let me go! Let me go!” I shouted not even recognizing my own voice.

“We can’t. Haseul!” Jinsol was pulling me back, pulling me further away from Yerim who was still screaming out of fear and pain.

I watched as Heejin shot at the undead that were on Yerim. I watched as Heejin shot at Yerim, her screams coming to a stop as she laid there motionless.

I don’t know how I still had the will to run, but we ran. We kept running farther away from Yerim without looking back, without even saying goodbye. I wanted to collapse, my body moving on autopilot as we went around the area.

We reached the front when Jinsol lead us to what looked like a bookstore at the entrance of the mall. She yanked the double doors open, took my machete, and stuck it in through the handles to keep the doors from being opened.

Heejin threw down her gun as soon as she entered. “What’s the point in all of this? We found Yerim just to lose her again! This is just some sick twisted nightmare that I don’t want to be a part of anymore!” She screamed not caring if anyone or anything heard. “I can’t do this.” She shook her head tried heading back out the door when Jinsol pulled her back. 

“Please Heejin, you can’t just leave!” Jinsol let out a sob.

Heejin turned around, angry tears spilled down her face. “I ju— I just killed Yerim.” Her voice came out pained as fell down to her knees, sobs wracking her small frame. 

She was the maknae once again.

I bent down as Jinsol did the same, taking each other in a group hug. 

“You had to Heejin. She was already gone, you had to,” Jinsol mumbled trying to ease the guilt that ate at all of us.

I knew this world was cruel, but I never thought of living without Yerim. Even if she wasn’t the true maknae, she was everyone’s baby. Always full of sunshine and positivity that we couldn’t help being happy around her. 

It wasn’t fair.

I’ve never wanted to die more than I did now. 

“I can’t lose you too, Heejin. I can’t. We already lost,” Jinsol stopped, not being able to continue thinking about her other already dead members. All the ones they couldn’t save.

“I’m sorry, Unnie.” Heejin struggled to say through her uneven breathing.

“Please don’t say that.”

“No, I’m really sorry, Unnie,” Heejin emphasized her apology.

Jinsol stopped crying and pulled away, searching Heejin’s eyes for something I wasn’t sure of.

“No.” Jinsol shook her head and I held my breath. “No,” she repeated more firmly.

“I got distracted when I heard Yerim scream,” Heejin’s voice was soft, lowering her head to not meet our gaze. “I barely felt it.” She reached her right hand over her left shoulder.

Jinsol and I were still crouched as we moved in denial. I let out a gasp as I saw the teeth marks deep on her shoulder blade, confirming my fear.

“Unnie, please.” Heejin took a hold of Jinsol’s hands and tried to get the blonde to look at her. 

Jinsol let out another sob and let herself be held by the maknae, resting her head on the crook of Heejin’s neck. I was a little off to the side, having a hard time taking in the situation.

It was a while before any of us started to move from our position.

Jinsol was the first to stand up, leaving Heejin still on the floor. I watched as she pulled out her gun from behind her waistband. At first, I didn’t understand what Heejin was pleading for, but now I understood.

“What are you doing?” I questioned, standing up as well, taking a step in front of Heejin. I already knew what was going to happen.

“We promised each other.” Was the only thing Jinsol could say.

“She’s still alive. You can’t just kill her.”

Jinsol closed her eyes and turned her head to the side, gun shaking in her hand as more tears fell.

“Haseul unnie, I’m already done for.” I felt Heejin slip her hand in mine from behind and gave it a squeeze. I turned to face her. “You guys can’t wait around, so please just let her. I can’t be one of them. I can’t,” she begged me.

I dropped to my knees again and hugged her. When I thought I had no more tears to cry, more came spilling out. 

How could this be happening? It was all too fast. It was too much for me to handle.

Heejin pulled away first and gave out a small smile. “I shouldn’t keep Yerim waiting too long.”

I let out another cry and leaned in to kiss her forehead, whispering “I love you”, knowing that this was the only option.

Jinsol had her eyes casted to the ground, gun loosely in her hand by her side. She was no longer crying. She took a step closer to Heejin as well before getting down to be at our level. I moved over a bit as they stared at each other without having to say how they felt. I think they’ve been through enough to understand one another with just eye contact. 

Heejin groaned as the virus spread quickly. “Unnie, just do it. The longer you wait,” her voice trailed knowing that one must just act to get things done in this world. Once you hesitate, each second that passed just gets harder. “I thought I’d feel relief knowing this is the end for me, but I don’t. I can’t help but feel sorry for having to leave you guys.”

“Why are we always saying sorry to each other?” Jinsol reached out her arm to place around Heejin’s neck and pressed their foreheads together. “I’ll see you soon, kid.” She let go of the breath she was holding and stood up, using her arm to wipe at her face.

Heejin gave us both one last look before turning her back towards us, still on her knees. Jinsol slowly placed the gun behind her head as I used my hand to tightly clamp my mouth shut to stop myself from crying too hard.

We just found each other. I didn’t understand why any of this was happening. Nothing felt real. I’ve always tried to be hopeful even when things got bad, but it never got like this. 

I didn’t know what I expected, but when the shot rang out, I wasn’t ready. I flinched and fell to my knees again as I watched Heejin’s body hit the ground. 

Jinsol stood there frozen for a second before dropping the gun. She approached Heejin’s body, sat on the ground and used her good arm to take the maknae onto her lap. Blood was getting all over her, but she didn’t seem to care. 

I don’t even remember crawling over to them, but I ended up hugging Jinsol’s side as I felt her body shake uncontrollably with sobs. She kept trying to keep it together, but now with both maknaes gone, she didn’t seem to care anymore. 

Yerim and I were good at hiding. We never ran into anyone else. We killed the flesh eating creatures here and there, but it was mostly just us raiding places for supplies and trying to find shelter. The only loss we’ve felt was when we were separated from the group, but we never experienced a death of a member, let alone multiple in a day. My mind couldn’t wrap around the idea and the thought of how the others members must have felt when they had to watch them die one by one. Nothing felt real. It all just felt like some long on-going nightmare that we’d never wake up from. 

“Stand up slowly.” A male voice was heard above our sobs. We had no idea how anyone could have gotten in, but it’s not like we took the time to check all of the entrances.

I turned my head around to see him holding up Jinsol’s gun that she had dropped earlier. I couldn’t even process what he wanted from us and I guess I was too slow to follow his orders as he pulled at my arm to get me to stand. 

There was another man with a bat and a weaponless woman behind him. They looked a bit older than us, but not by much. 

Jinsol carefully placed Heejin back on the ground and stood up. Her already worn out sling was on the floor as her left arm hung uselessly by her side. Her right hand was clutching the injured one. I could see her angry eyes behind blonde locks that covered her face. 

We were mourning and they interrupted.

She took a step forward.

“Don’t move.” The man that had a grip on my arm warned, gun pointed up.

Jinsol took another step forward.

“I said stay back!” He yelled, but she didn’t listen.

She took another step so that his gun was pressed onto her forehead.

“What are you going to do, huh?” She growled out.

He gritted his teeth, but before he could say anything, Jinsol grabbed his arm and yanked it up. A wild shot hit nothing as she drove her knee up to to his groin. He let go of my arm and the gun skidded off to the side.

The other man came at Jinsol, hitting her already injured arm with his bat. She let out a pained cry as her legs gave out and the man swung at her again.

I made eye contact with the woman as I saw her eye the pistol that laid on the ground closer to her. They haven’t seen the rifle by Heejin yet. Our bodies were blocking it as they came in on us. They were too focused on us when it laid there by her side in plain sight now. 

I made a run for it, not sure if a bullet would hit my back first before I could reach it. My hand touched blood and metal as I gripped the handle and quickly turned around. The woman had the gun up, but her face was in shock as she saw my rifle up as well. I was quicker. She dropped to the ground as I squeezed the trigger. The surprise of the small recoil knocked me back on my butt, but I didn’t waste time to aim the gun at the man who was above Jinsol, bat up, frozen when he heard the shots. His eyes grew wide as bullets ripped through his body. 

I got up quick on shaky legs. The last man was still on the ground, clenching his probably now shriveled up family jewels from the hit and the fear. I didn’t let myself think. I fired again before I could psych myself out from doing what needed to be done.

In this world, there are no good and bad guys. We just do what we have to do in order to survive. 

I dropped the gun and sat down next to Jinsol. She laid there with her back towards me. I slowly reached over to turn her around. She was barely conscious. Blood ran down her face from blows to the head. I pulled her onto my lap, mimicking what she had done with Heejin only a few minutes ago. She tried to blink away blood that was blocking her vision as I used the back of my hand to wipe away as much as I could. Jinsol reached for me and my eyes trailed down to where she had placed her hand. There was blood. A lot of it. I thought I was getting lightheaded from crying and not taking in enough oxygen, but I guess with all the adrenaline rushing through me and the recoil of the rifle, I didn’t realize I was hit. The woman must have fired her gun around the same time as me. How funny to not even know that there’s a bullet lodged inside of my stomach. I just knew I had to get to Jinsol.

I was getting too dizzy to be sitting up, so I opted to laying down besides Jinsol, with her head on my arm as we faced each other. 

“I’m sorry,” Jinsol whispered out, her voice ragged.

“For what?” I asked genuinely confused.

“I got us both killed.”

“What’s the point of going on when everyone we love is dead?” 

“Jungeun. Sooyoung.” Her voice was getting quieter and quieter. 

I clenched my eyes shut as the pain finally hit. It didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would, or maybe the adrenaline was still numbing me. Either way, the thought of not knowing where those two were or what happened to them hurt even more.

I was glad we got to see Jinsol and Heejin one last time although our reunion was cut so short. I felt like it was only right for me to feel this pain before I died. It didn’t seem fair to see how much our two members were struggling when we just hid the whole time the world was being thrown upside down. But what is fair in this world? Either way, we all die one way or another. And I guess in the end, I still won’t know what happened to the rest of my members. I couldn’t help but feel bitter at the closure I’ll never get. I didn’t want to imagine everyone dead, but they all might as well be in this hellhole.

“Haseul,” Jinsol let out. Blood was dripping, blocking part of her vision once again.

I hummed, responding got a little harder. My eyelids felt heavy as Jinsol’s face started to blur. 

“We lost Jiwoo not even 24 hours ago. Hyunjin a little more than two weeks ago.” Jinsol paused, letting out a groan of pain, both physical and mental. “The others didn’t make it earlier on, but we don’t know where Hyejoo is,” she struggled to say. She let out a cough and with every inhale of a breath, crackling sounds could be heard.

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know, but understood why Jinsol was telling me. Everything about this world was cruel, but if there was one thing that kept us going, it was our members. Knowing that they were dead and that I was a day too late from seeing Jiwoo again made my heart hurt. 

“Thank you.” Was all I could say. No matter how painful it was, the truth about my members put me a little more at ease coming to terms that I won’t make it out of here alive. I didn’t want to live if that meant that everyone I loved was either dead or missing.

Jinsol was struggling to breathe, it came out short and pained as blood splattered, spilling from the corner of her mouth with each cough.

I held her hand that didn’t even have the strength to grip back. I watched as her breath got shorter until she could no longer breathe from the blood that was filling her lungs.

We were a group of 12 that took less than a day for almost half of our members to cease to exist. What were we now when there will be no one left to tell our stories? We’ll all just be faded memories in dead bodies that will soon decompose with this very earth. 

We all knew that everything we did didn’t really matter when it was always going to end up the same, but we still had to keep moving. I guess loving one another was enough for us to try to change the outcome of the inevitable. I couldn’t be more proud, but sorry at the same time that I couldn’t do more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i guess this is the end. thanks for sticking around~


End file.
